Ben Wallace

Ah, Big Ben. That beautiful, beautiful, beautiful specimen of Man. Every single muscle sculpted in that lean, chiseled body that is as graceful as it is powerful. Many have wondered why I am so completely fascinated with him and I think I should explain.

No, he's not handsome. In fact, he's a frightening looking fellow. Though his fro is bomb, the hairdo is better looking than the man. But what is incredible about him is the fact that he looks like a marble statue come to life. It makes any aesthete's eyes tear up from the sheer beauty of the human body in its top form. It's the same way a person will admire a stealth jet or a Lamborghini or some other well-crafted machine. Something inside this person just becomes awestruck and goes, "fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck."

And on top of that, he's got reflexes that are inhuman. The way his arm shoots out and rips the ball out of the air and into his body is like watching something being primally devoured. It simultaneously freaks me out and excites me.

In summary, I want to lick Ben Wallace.