Excerpts from Dinner with My Mom

Mom: I always accidentally bite my tongue when I eat. Is that an illness?
Me: No. It's stupidity.


Mom: This guy at work asked for a raise. He said he's embarrassed that he's working full-time but still needs his family to help out financially. If he had just asked me for a raise by listing everything he contributes to the company, I would have probably said no.

Me: I need to ask for a raise. "I limit my nodding off strictly to afternoons. And sometimes the mornings. But I always wake up in time to answer the phone."

Mom: That might work. Maybe your boss has a sense of humor.

Me: I'm serious. It's what I do.