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The Grand Cosmic Clock of Creation Aluna Joy Yaxkin August 1994

To understand the Mayan calendars, I found it to be quite useful to tear into the workings of an old watch. The visual experience seeing all those variously sized gears, working together in harmony, are quite amazing. Tremendous attention had been given to mathematics and geometry to synchronize all the various gears to create the correct passage of matter through space to generate time.

The Mayan calendar is very much like the workings of a watch. These cosmic gears use perfectly synchronized, immense cog wheels, based on planets and star systems to measure the passage of matter through space to calculate time. The two dimensional gears of a watch create linear time and it is here where the similarities end. The big difference is our universe is not flat, two dimensional gears, as in the watch. Our universe is filled with variously sized spinning circles orbiting together as a complete whole creating experience, time, space, and physical reality. The planets, stars and galaxies are spiracle, and work together in three dimensional form. Unlike the illusionary time created by a mechanical watch, our universe creates time that is unending. Cycles of time continually circumnavigate in a repeating, ascending spiral that creates a pattern that suspiciously looks like a bagel! It is simple to begin to understand Mayan time by remembering the cycles of time/space of the Maya, as spiracle, not a flat two dimensional illusion of cosmic time.

To understand the workings of our universe, you need to go to the center of our cosmic clock where all the gears or cycles connect together. This cycle is the sacred calendar of the Maya, The Tzolk'in. It is still used by the traditional Maya today's as a divination tool. The Tzolk'in is based in the cycles of the Pleiades and is the center gear, of all 17 Mayan calendars. This is our grand cosmic clock. This cycle, the Tzolk'in, is the center of the cosmic web of life, a map of creation. When you begin to understand this cycle, it helps us to begin to merge with the center of our universe, our personal center and begin to break our ties to finite linear time. When we begin to cycle with the center of the universe amazing things take place. We begin to remember our cosmic heritage. We remember our connection with the stars and the creator. We begin to become energy independent, thus creating a harmonious world where we can give and receive energy freely, not buying, selling and stealing it from each other. Merging with the center of the universe helps us understand reality from many perspectives, without loosing our center. This ultimately reconnects us with the sustaining energy from the source of creation, Hunab K'u, the God of the Maya.

Because we are in human form and live on earth, it is important to understand the Tzolk'in from an Earth based perspective by adding a second calendar or cycle, the "Haab." The Tzolk’in is the cosmic perspective and the Haab is the Earth's perspective and are the two cycles that effect us directly. Understanding these two cycles will consequently hook you up to the other cycles by knowingness and resonance. Just allow the rhythm of these cycles to move you into knowingness.

The Basic Sacred Calendar
A Summary of the Mechanics of the Sacred Calendar, Tzolk'in
THE TZOLK'IN - The Cycle of the Pleiadies
The Tzolk'in is a two geared spiracle watch. It is based on the cycles of the Pleiadies (26,000 years) but is used in factual form with 260 days. The mathematics used in the Tzolk’in are 13 times 20, 13 numbers and 20 glyphs. A interesting note here is it takes Earth 26,000 years to circumnavigate the Zodiac!

The Numbers/Pulses (1-13) of the Tzolk'in are the ”movement” of the sacred calendar. The number 13 represents the spirit, the holy breath of creation. The numbers pulse in an undulating cycle of creation. Each sacred number holds a position, or intention, in the creation process and pulses creative energy in an ascending spiral. When your reach point #13 you jump up a rung of the evolutionary ladder. The Mayas used a bar-dot number system. One dot = one, One Bar = 5.

The Glyphs/Suns (1-20) of the Tzolk'in are the “measure” of the sacred calendar. They are the 20 Sun glyphs that are familiar to anyone who has been interested in the Mayan calendar. They represent the body of creation. They define, or create definition. Each Mayan Sun name, has a corresponding glyph and cycles in a regular ascending order of definition which is encoded with cosmic evolutionary information. Just as the numbers ascend from one cycle to the next, so do the 20 suns. When the 20 Suns mesh with the 13 numbers there are 260 combinations of creation. (see Sun glyph chart)

THE HAAB - The Cycle of the Solar Earth
The Haab is the solar cycle of earth. It uses 360 + 5 days. The Mathematics of the Haab is 18 times 20. (18 months of 20 days each.) The 5 extra Vayab days (July 21-25) give the Haab its next evolutionary notch up. Each cycle of the Haab starts five Suns later than the year prior, thus ascending five steps forward and changing the base energy of the current Haab. The Haab synchronizes with the Tzolk'in every 52 years, creating 18,980 individual perspectives for divination. A interesting note here is in Native American culture a person reaching 52 years old is considered an elder. This is when a person has lived through two complete cycles of the Tzolk'in and the Haab and their relationships between each other.

These numbers and glyphs of both Tzolk'in and Haab, cycle together endlessly in an ever ascending spiral of evolution. They work together like the gears in a watch. These numbers and glyphs work together to create the web of life as we experience it. In history the calendars were used by the Cosmic Maya for understanding the position of earth in the universe and the evolutionary stage we are presently in. Remnants of these calendars left behind were intended to be cosmic memory triggers and when resonated with help trigger the memory locked deep inside our DNA. In understanding the sacred cycles of time you have the opportunity to recall the knowledge of the ages.

SOLAR MEDITATION
I have discovered that working in front of the Sun has been very activating and has facilitated in clearing my past and creating my future. Here is a simple exercise you can do in front of the Sun. We all have different perspectives and what works for one person, may not resonate with another, so I share what I do as example only. Do what is in you heart to do, just do it in front of the Sun!

Find a quite place at sunset where you have a good view of the Sun. Sit, stand, whatever will make you comfortable. Take a few deep breaths. Hear the wind in the trees, hear the birds sing, feel the warmth of the earth under you bare feet, become part of the earth. Resonate with the Earth. Take notice of where your energy is drawn to. Where is your energetic orientation? You will find your sustaining energy coming from the Sun. Now look at the Sun (use personal digression), feel the heat of the Sun on your body. Feel the light filling every cell of your body. Consciously draw in the light and the heat. Recognize the sun as a friend, feel it recognize you. Resonate with the Sun. Remember the Sun is light and light is information so be aware of the incoming light.

At this point I use various forms of a prayer. The first part was inspired by Hunbatz Men, a Mayan daykeeper and elder. The second part was given to me during an incredible overnight stay at Palenque Mexico, in one of my favorite Mayan temples, the Temple of the Sun. Feel free to change it anyway you feel is appropriate for you.

Look here Father Sun,
It is me, a piece of the Sun.
I have come to you to understand
the meaning of the cosmos.
I ask I be allowed to go inside your memory
for I desire to remember.
I want to understand everything again.
I need this knowledge for the future,
so I may walk in harmony with the earth
and the stars once again.

I am the eyes that see as the creator sees.
I am the ears that hear as the creator hears.
I am the mind that knows as the creator knows.
I am the heart that feels as the creator feels.
I am the voice that speaks as the creator speaks.
I am the souls that remembers as the creator remembers.
As in you, so in me
I am now, and I am here.


This prayer opens up the mind of Hunab K'u, the God of the Maya, for us to enter into to receive cosmic understanding. Begin here to state your concerns, and hand them to the Sun. Ask the Sun to resolve these concerns. Continue by stating your desires and dreams, and hand them to the Sun. Ask the Sun to manifest these dreams. As the Sun is almost completely set, say good by to the Sun. Pay close attention to your energy orientation as the last bit of sun slips behind the horizon. Notice how the energy of earth shifts greatly when the sun's rays are no longer hitting it, Notice the bird's songs, the heat difference. Most of all notice your energy orientation. You will discover it has changed greatly. You will find that you are being sustained by millions of stars that you can't even see yet. You are receiving information from the cosmos. Say hello to the universe in all its expansive wonder, and thank it for its sustaining energy. This Sun meditation can also be executed in reverse, at dawn. "Evam Maya e ma ho" All hail to the harmony of all mind and nature.

Copyright © 1994 - Permission is granted to copy and redistribute this article on the condition that the content remains complete, full credit is given to the author(s), and that it is distributed freely.

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those have been important.

i run on dreams.
tell me your secrets
in exchange, i might give you your dreams.

there was evidence in the dreams. someone was in there pulling, like the will of fingers behind a ouija planchette.
i tried to catch who it was who was doing it but they disappeared around the corner of the stairs from when i was six.

sometimes i see signs in objects. sometimes in dreams, objects from the day before come to me confusing me with their confusion about why they had been chosen to become part of my day.

i won't be this person for much longer. and that makes me sadder than anything else.

i am happier than everyone else. most of it has to do with ignorance.

no one can be lost at sea if the sea is an island created by the machinations of a child's dream. transformation. transmutation. sheer ignorance coupled with a determined will to believe.

somewhere, someone has to think it first.

there was evidence of nothing.
one boy couldn't feel his snout

i'm molting.

i'm about to change again.

i think i passed. now a greater test begins.

how many of my worlds can i put in the same room?

i had an amazing night last night. i've always had a love/hate relationship with november. it drives me hard, it demands so much from me, but afterwards, i'm always left with a longing for torrential storms and poetry when it's gone.

this one was a culmination of 2008, a retrospective and celebration.

where i'm going next, i don't know. but it looks like i won't have to take the leap alone.

today is my new year's eve.

2008.

thank you.

tomorrow...it's all dependent on free will and the choices people make in themselves, for themselves, of themselves.

i hope for the best but i will accept whatever is truth.

i've never been happier.

sometimes it's about having the focus to reach your goals.

sometimes it's about more than you could have ever imagined and you find it slipping through your hands.

sometimes in the middle of the night, you can feel your hands letting go.

sometimes you find them there again in the morning and you don't remember how.

sometimes it's just quiet.

you feel that generator inside you.

that simultaneous pull to hold on or let go

to be a part of something or remain yourself

sometimes you dream about cars and lakes like gaping mouths and guns.

sometimes that's when you admit you are lost.

it begins with an ache.
definitely an ache.
somewhere inside you
you don't know where
the back of your teeth
your feet
your eyes
an ache.

you can be happy. you can feel all the pulses of
life within you, matching rhythm with the world.
you can feel everything continue forever
like the ocean
the mountains
the blanket of night
while inside you, remains an ache.

you can feel bigger than everything
bigger than everyone
see their hopes and dreams
their fears and failures
their shame.

and you hold their beating hearts in between the edges of your teeth
so alive and delicate and vital
demanding of it
the urge to bite down primal but irrelevant

and they'll show you everything
show you the blood and sores and abandoned rooms
the sweat
the terror
the everything and anything so much bigger and blacker
with their hands inside of them
even in the calm of their voice you can hear
the nighttime anxieties like stones rattling inside glass bottles
they'll show you everything and still swear they don't believe in it.

they'll see the blood on your hands and they won't believe you did it.
you'll tell them that you've torn it out, you've torn it all out
every last bit that seethed inside them
spreading infinite emptiness
you tell them it's magic. real magic. not the stuff of unicorns and rainbows.
but the things that men go to war over when
the women stoically hold it between cool fingertips
just waiting for someone to ask the right question.
and they won't believe you
because they're so terrified of the blood they may find on their hands.
and that makes you ashamed of their blood on yours.

and throughout all this
it's the ache. the ache that accompanies you
the ache that has always been there for you
the ache who has never failed you.
it is the ache that cries out into the night
using darkness to reach out for familiar hands
the ache searches for its own.
the ache uses you.
the ache renews you.
the ache can only find an equal.

but the ache is never more vindictive
than when it fears seeing behind a person's mask
and finding emptiness
a lack
a void
an impenetrable stranger

the ache fears death.
the ache fears that it has pulsed and beat and
longed for its own echo
where never an echo has existed.

2008. A Retrospective

Fuck became my favorite seasoning.

The seasons changed colors and moods.

I fell in love with a ghost.

It came with strings of such resentment.

In the space between I want to believe it validates life.

I left my boss.

Like a fake-smile relationship with the rich, idiot kid of the guy your mom works for, but who you have to be nice to so she can always have a job. I started to throw around the word retarded because if that label can be used on my brother when he's so much smarter than them, then they're for sure retarded.

I found that I enjoy disappearing. That I love giving out hugs, but I don't like people to know how to find me.

I found that if you put too much pressure on me, I just spin spin spin

I found how deeply I can ache within my happiness.

The world is really not so big when you look at it as a tiny place inside you

The world is really only as big as you can imagine yourself.

2008 was heaven and hell

and somewhere in it all

i didn't lose my mind.

after months of hard work, we just won best new product at cannabis cup with the bc chillum. it was an incredible high, working with david to make something out of nothing and have it be successful. we're both winners when we want to be, when we put our drive and energy into something. there's just no question how strongly we can project ourselves onto reality when we want it. the highlight for me was the owner of the coffeehouse we were sponsered by, a shrewd and incisive no-nonsense businessman, saying i was brilliant and that he'd never seen someone put so much energy into a project. and that i'd impressed him which was saying a lot because he's not easily impressed. it meant a lot to me because the guy says what he means and doesn't bullshit. He really meant it and it came out of respect--i'm on his level. i think i knew that this was one of the things i wanted going in. it was one of my goals--to have a great time, to give others a great time, to win, and to let an opportunity that this guy gave us turn into something bigger and stronger than he could have ever expected, demanding his respect as an equal. i'm really happy because we succeeded in all of those objectives.

his girlfriend, the owner of a seed company that also won a few awards, gave a speech the second time saying this was for all the women out there who dare to dream. that when she first started, this guy had said she was a goldfish who needed to learn how to swim with sharks and now she was swimming with sharks. afterwards, she came up to me and gave me a big hug and said that us women just have to do it. it doesn't matter if it's a man's world, but if we have the talent and the ability and the burning in our hearts, we have to do it. in a way, that second speech came after we won, and i think it had to do with both of our wins...we were the only two women in the winners. that meant a lot to me.

i'm still recovering from the cup. i really did put everything into it, but it was great, it was so focused, i never lost track of my goals. it was 22 energy. the craziest thing is that at the beginning of the year, i would have never expected that 2008 would involve me quitting my job of 4 years, meeting a soulmate, moving to amsterdam and winning a cannabis cup.

this year has been the most incredible, free, adventurous of my life and i'm so thankful for it.

berlin

is this borrowed time?
was something valuable broken that night?
are we just episodically reliving the echoes of that night?
or is it me, the constant storm brewing inside me
a tormented ghost
a blackwashed memory
trapped within, shaking its cage at night
demanding to be acknowledged as a real and living breathing thing that
happened

so it can free itself
find a wide open space
flail its fists at invisible people who were
there but not there when she really needed them
cut herself open
and scream.

without endings there are no beginnings.
that was how this journey began.
without breaking the old, you can't make way for the new.
even if the new has the same face as the old.

i went to a new chiropractor today. he broke up scar tissue in my body. he was surprised how i worked through it and didn't cry or complain. he said i was really tough. he said it's the men who usually holler and cry...women are just tougher. i told him when it comes to things that need to be done, facing pain, the worst i might do is cuss, but usually i giggle.

i told him that the person i'm dating picks up my pain psychically. i told him how the night i left, i'd tried to help him work out pain in his left shoulder. the next day, i had pain in my right shoulder in the same place under the shoulder blade. a few days later, he had a headache and as soon as i got off the phone, i had a blinding headache. the doctor said he hoped that by healing me, it would heal him.

also, when i told him about how he psychically picks up my pain, the doctor said, yeah, he's the one. he's your soulmate.

i thought about it. it felt like so long ago that i still believed in soulmates, like an echo when i never realized the original sound was gone.

i told him yes, he and i both recognized each other when we first met. in fact, i'd been having dreams about him months before, even knew his name.

wow, the doctor said. you have a really good life.

i thought about it. i said:

sometimes you have to be careful though. sometimes soulmates come into your life strong, but it turns out they weren't meant to stay but they're just meant to help move you towards where you're supposed to be.

he was quiet for a bit, his hands dropping to his lap as he contemplated.

that's true, too, he finally said, quietly.

inside, something in me cringed. truth is truth but it still hurts to hear it sometimes.

when the session was over, he told me i struck him as someone who really saw things, and told me again that i have a really good life.

i thanked him and meant it.

the sadness never hit me, at least not all at once.

it started as a trickle, and no matter who reached out with kindness or what strangers tried to give me warmth, it felt like drops of heat that filled me, tumbling me down down down inside myself until i was laying in it.

what you exchange for being able to see and feel more consciously, is a painfully conscious awareness that whatever the truth may be, whether you want it or not, you will always have to accept it.

it's what i always wanted. but is this a good life? can truth intersect what i want?

highlight of my night has got to be shaq pushing everyone in a red uniform tonight. espn's probably gonna go hogwild over it all night.

i'm strong
i'm happy
i'm free
whatever will be will be.

the love that i give the world
is a reflection of everything i see
and those who want to will understand
that the world is a beautiful place through my eyes...
one they can only see if they believe
one that takes faith to realize

to come from a place where humans have been so angry
and to stand proudly and nakedly with light
people who truly see me believe in magic
those who can't or won't...i tried
no matter what i can't change.
i won't get discouraged or fight
life is a river so much more powerful than me
and i'll find what i need when it's right.

last night i had a dream where i was in a very sunny place. new town, new home, nothing was familiar because i'd left my old life to begin anew, and i took solace that it was new. a new start. i could feel that i was trying to get away, get away from the old and familiar that had become too painful and draining for me to feel like myself anymore, so i hoped to find myself in the new, that by being surrounded by all that was unfamiliar, i would come face to face with all that was truly me within me. i needed to be myself again, be with myself again, not fight with people who did not accept what i tried to give, who didn't trust what i was trying to give, who tore me down so some days were filled with a feeling of isolation, of loneliness. not everyone has to accept me, but i want to find the people who do, and want who and what i am without rejecting me if i come too close to them or their pain. i wanted to find nice people willing to accept what i want to give, because the truth in this kind of connection will be easy and obvious.

it felt like the farther away i went though, the farther i went to the edges of town, i would end up back in the same place, in the living room of my new townhome in a strange little sunny town. one day, i got in my car and drove out of town, out through the desert, out through mountains to find another town, but when i opened the door to my new house, he was sitting on the couch waiting for me.

hello, i said.

hello, he said.

i had questions, like what he was doing there, how he had known, but a part of me knew that this was his place as much as it was mine, that no matter how far i went, the end of the line in the distance always returned to the same point here.

so i gave in to it. it was good for a little while. we stayed on the surface politely. i almost forgot about the loneliness. one night, the town was protesting because something had happened that was unfair, some rule that was an injustice, a discrimination. the young people in town were up in arms, marching through the streets towards city hall, yelling in windows for people who were passive and afraid to get involved to stand up and fight for what's right. another couple, the girl being a friend of mine, sarah i think, were with us in our living room. they had come over and the four of us had planned to join the march that night and had put on our coats getting ready to leave, but as soon as the protestors arrived, as soon as they were yelling into our window, he sat back down.

let's go, i said, considering we were planning to join them anyway. hell, we all already had our coats on. no, he said. he looked stricken, terrified, likely to bite me defensively if i made a sudden move towards him. he looked at the mob in our window, carrying signs, angry, yelling at us for being passive while people outside suffered. i felt like they were angry at us, but if they saw us leave and join them, they would cheer, because they could see we were on the same side.

but he wouldn't get up, scared of the angry crowd. we're with them, i said. we're on their side. if we don't go out there, they're going to think we're against them but if we go out there and face them, they'll be happy. but he wouldn't go because he was afraid of them, afraid of their collective anger, afraid of their collective chaos, afraid of their collective energy, just inexplicably, afraid.

he left the room and i looked from my friend to the crowd at the window. it almost looked like the window was caving in, was going to burst in a shatter of glass at their sheer intensity, their fervor that we were being passive and allowing bad things to happen outside us as though these things weren't completely in our hands. they wanted us to stand up and get out of the house because it's always in our hands if we stand up to things, if we stand up for things, if we unite.

but the three of us were alone in the room, he was gone, and i didn't know what to do.

it felt like the room was leaking water, and then i realized it was coming from inside me, like the pressure inside my chest was so great, it had sprung a leak that burned me with each drop that fell in a pool in my stomach.

my friend looked at me with such love and compassion i couldn't stand it because she's wasn't the one i needed it from. i shook my head and looked far away, knowing she knew the truth as well as i did but i was afraid to hear it.

is he always going to run away from his emotions like this, she asked me, quietly.

suddenly, it became overwhelming, the truth so obvious and thick in the room. inside me, i felt the coming of the flood, the flood that would burst my insides and suddenly, i would become nothing.

i slipped to the floor and cried, releasing all the pain and sadness i've been holding in for so long, her concerned voice, the voice of someone who loves me, yelling my name while he was nowhere to be found, melting into darkness until the world and my body no longer existed and i was just a pool of echoes.

i put my trust in you
pushed as far as i could go
in the end it doesn't really matter

because no matter how much you love someone
no matter how much you give and how much you
want to support
their wounds are theirs to keep.
their wounds are theirs to heal.
and if they can't trust you in those painful places
if they can't trust you enough to let go of their pain
if they can't trust you to lead them out of the darkness
even though you know your love
is the brightest, most healing light
this is their choice
you have to respect that no matter
how much it hurts you.
the only thing you can decide
is how will you lead your life
how will you define your own happiness
how will you honor yourself and your
short time as this embodiment on this earth
even if it means letting go of something you
love so deeply
even if it means cutting out a piece of yourself
to set the rest of you free.

we've all been wounded in some way
life and humans have sharper edges than
they mean to have
it's those of us who have been brave enough to trust
and have faith in light
who have found a way to heal.
but not everyone wants to heal.
sometimes scars and pain are the only friends
a person could count on to always be consistent
and that may be the saddest story of all.
i am not one of these people anymore.
i am not walking wounded.
i have been free for a long time
and with the right kind of love, i will
give everything without concern to my scars.

they will either come to you bravely
and accept you and the warmth of your
hands completely
their hands helping yours do the same
or clutching their wounds, they will
disappear into the night.

life is not in any one person's hands.

the best you can do is be true to your highest self and try.

my time in la has been really good but not enough. i was supposed to have been able to spend more time at home to reflect, but after only one night with friends and one night with brian, i've gotta go to the bay area and intersect the realities of my family who have been a bit neglected. still, this is not enough time alone to reflect on my own path. i was due to disappear into meditation two days ago. i need to commit to it and do it. tomorrow, i go off the grid. wednesday, i go into the woods. after that...will be whatever happens, whatever's supposed to happen. i will be brave and accept my reality whatever it is.

the aftertaste of today:

something today did not add up.

man up
stand up

admit.

heart of velvet
brutal hands
infallible code of honor
equal to only his other
truth lays within both man and beast
grace lives in one or the other.

i have to be myself. that's just what it comes down to.