Katfight at Koi

Reggie took me to Koi last night for my birthday. The place was crowded with the Hollywood hip and the Hollywood hip-wannabes, interspersed with Hollywood hip-wannabe businessmen looking awkward in their attempts to look cool with their hair plugs and rasberry martinis. I had heard the food here was amazing, but was unimpressed with the majority of the clientele, particularly the three girls in designer skank outfits who shoved me out of the way in their hurry for the hostess to address them immediately.

We were told to wait at the bar despite our reservation time which had passed twenty minutes earlier (rumblings around the room was that you could wait over an hour past your reservation time), but Reggie happened to know the manager who got us seated immediately. The food was really good--we had the baked crab rolls, the "creamy" tempura shrimp that had this caramelized glaze and the miso cod which melted in your mouth. While we were looking at the dessert menu, Megan, the manager, came by and grabbed the menu and said, "You're going to try everything." She bought us a sampler platter of desserts and a glass of Japanese dessert wine, which was the equivalent of Fat Girl's Heaven. The dessert platter featured strawberry cheesecake, a molten chocolate volcano cake with rich vanilla ice cream, a creme brulee trio (vanilla, hazelnut, cappuccino), and an assortment of mochi (strawberry, mango, vanilla, chocolate, espresso). I honestly don't think I've ever been so happy at a dinner before in my life...I mean, they gave us the regular portions of everything on the dessert menu. It was like eating whatever you wanted from a really upscale restaurant's dessert tray.

As we left the restaurant and walked by the valet area, we saw a brand new white Mercedes parked at the curb in front of a little VW Golf. The valet drove up and parked a car slightly in front of the Mercedes, and in a hurry to get out, the Mercedes' driver backed up to try to get around, slamming into the front bumper of the VW. From how hard the Mercedes went back, I don't think the driver even looked to see if anything was behind her. So there was this sickening crunch and everyone kinda gasped. The driver of the VW gets out and inspects the bumper, but no one gets out of the Mercedes. Some valet guys go to the driver's side and tell the driver that she just hit a car, and out jumps one of the three girls who had obnoxiously pushed in front of me to talk to the hostess. She's talking on her cellphone and never gets off the phone to fully give the situation her attention at any point in the night. So she's arguing that she didn't feel anything, that she didn't back up, that she didn't hit that car. There had to have been 15 people out there including about 5 valet guys who all saw it, and she was still claiming that she didn't hit the car. The bumper of the VW was creased (I heard that VW bumpers are made out of foam so even if they look fairly okay, they're crumbled on the inside) and she looked at the back at her car and says, "See? There's no damage." At one point, I heard her try to make the argument that the car was kinda crappy anyway so the damage didn't matter. I happened to have watched the whole thing happen including the moment of impact from less than 5 feet away, so I told the valet that I saw what happened and she definitely backed into the car, which negated her next claim that the guy behind her drove into HER. So this idiot chick is arguing with the valet and getting belligerent and the security guard pulls her to a corner to talk to her in private. The girl who had been in her backseat has gotten out, and is flashing her boobs and flirting with the valet, telling him it's nothing and "let's just drop this whole thing."

Just when I thought these chicks had reached a peak in their level of disgusting behavior, I see this brunette in the passenger seat who'd been on the phone the whole time say, "I'll take care of this." She jumps out of the car, announces, "THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED." She said that they didn't hit the car and started cussing out the valet. The valet doesn't speak the greatest English and is trying to be polite, telling her that they backed into the car and were responsible and they had witnesses that saw it. She's in his face, totally drunk and belligerent, and calling him all kinds of names he doesn't deserve, trying to intimidate him. He tries to make a case that he's not wrong, even pointing to me saying, "That lady saw the whole thing." She looks at me and I said, "You guys backed into this car." She takes a step towards me and says, "IS THIS YOUR SHITTY ASS CAR?"

Okay, let's hit pause for a second.

No this isn't my "shitty ass car." The way she said it, it was like she was trying to intimidate me, like I'm gonna say, uh yeah, you're right. My car is shitty, you drive a Mercedes, so feel free to whale on that shitty little pathetic thing because this whole thing is totally my fault. Fuck you, you arrogant stupid bitch.

I say, "No, I drive a car much nicer than yours but even if it were my car, you still backed into it."

She went on a tirade that had the word "bitch" mixed in there, so I laughed and said, "Shut up you drunk ho."

Apparently, that surprised her and threw her off so she said, "You Asian..." (the rest was incoherent) and she rushed up and goes to shove me.

So this drunk, prissy-diva chick goes to shove me but I've got her wrist in my hand and have it twisted agains her body with my fingers pushing hard at an angle against her bone before she can even finish her motion. Her wrist was so thin it felt like I could snap it with just my hand if I pressed hard enough. Her eyes go so wide and instantly, there are security guards pulling her away. She screaming trash talk and the men force her into her car, but I'm not worried about it because she's an idiot and she's gonna get herself in some trouble if she really wants to step back up to me. The security guard came up to me and apologized but I laughed and Reggie said, she's trying to pick a fight with the wrong person. I think secretly both of us wanted her to try to start something. We had watched this girl verbally abuse a poor guy who was just trying to do his job, strut around like she and her friends couldn't be held accountable for their own irresponsible actions, try to throw some blubbering racial slur at me and then think she could put her hands on me to physically intimidate me when she wasn't verbally dexterous enough to. I wouldn't have minded teaching that girl that her arrogant sense of entitlement doesn't protect her from a broken nose, but even though Reggie said he had hoped I would punch her, I would have probably just grabbed her if she tried to put her hands on me again and thrown her on the ground to avoid any severe legal tangles.

She made a big point of walking by me later with her nose up to show she wasn't afraid of me, but she didn't look me in the eye or say anything. I just laughed because she's a coward and she knows it. I don't care if her dumb drunk friend drives a Mercedes and they think they can't be held accountable for anything. Those girls were despicable human beings.