Hump Day

As I continue my job search, I've decided that one of the requirements I have is that my next company be large enough to field a company softball team. And give out free sodas, though this isn't a deal breaker. The bad side of working at a big company would be people who continually make jokes about "hump day" and who exuberantly adore casual Fridays. I also have a phobia of awkward lunchroom small talk. Especially if it's about people's cats. Even more especially if these cats wear hand-knitted sweaters.

I want some place where I can continually meet new people and get to know professional, intelligent people from different backgrounds who are active and into sports outside of work. Mostly I just want to meet new people. I've seen the same 8 people for the last 4 years 40 hours a week. Nice people, but I'm bored out of my mind.

Yet in the back of my mind, I also want to open my dessert shop, write in my free time and travel. It makes me sad to think of going from one "job" to another "job." What keeps me back is risk. Sometimes I wonder if my need for financial security is pathological.

My parents are convinced that if I would move to a larger company, I'll find my future husband, since everyone in my family who's worked at their company has gotten married to a coworker. I'm not opposed to a hot but dorky engineer or accountant with an appreciation for quirky senses of humor. Hell, I'm all about mathematicians right now since I've been marathoning Numb3rs. But I don't want to get my hopes up too high because I feel so far out of the game, I feel more comfortable roving the seedy underbelly and dark alleys of the city.

That may or may not be true.

But I am bored as hell with life right now. And very concerned about how I've cut myself off from writing. I'm hoping that having rescued my blog, this will slowly get me back on track. I'm in recovery from the whole stalker thing and how irritated it made me feel, so the more truthful details about what I've been up to I'm still keeping in notebooks until I figure out how what I want to do about access.

This blog still isn't complete. I have a month and a half left to import from the old blog and then I'll change the background color back to its normal color.

So what's new.

Webber back with the Warriors. Hoping for the best, preparing for the worst.

Family is getting along exceptionally. I fear Michael has outgrown me and my antics. I feel spurned sometimes. I'm happy that he's moving on though and so much more independent.

Am still open to moving back to the bay, but reluctant to move out of LA. It's like I want to walk out the door, but I won't let go of my stuff. And by stuff, I mean, all the restaurants that I love or those I have yet to try, and especially the places that are open late. Also, the thought of having to pack up my things and move them to a new place and hope they didn't get lost or damaged in transit gives me anxiety.

I think deep down I also know that it's not LA that makes me lonely, but I don't want to face the fact that I'll manage to feel lonely everywhere. The problem was never LA, even though it's so easy to blame this city and then be done with it. It's that I love and appreciate my friends and the people around me here, but I also really need and love spending a certain amount of time with myself. So what I've sacrificed for this space and detachment is that sometimes I feel lonely, but I feel like my freedom is worth it. Maybe a different environment or a new path in my life would change things. Change my needs and my priorities. I don't know. I'm open to it though, as long as it feels right and not forced.

I found out that I'm hosting a Super Bowl party this Sunday. I thought it was funny that I found out via a group email and I wasn't even one of the first to know. I want to try out making home made pizza rolls, either with pizza dough or eggroll wrappers. It depends if I have time to try it out first.

I've got a couple of free Southwest tickets so that means I have 2 sponteneous trips coming up. I'm actually glad I checked my email and found out that I'm hosting a party this weekend, because I was thinking about taking off to some place random that I've never been. Maybe St. Louis. Maybe Albuquerque. Maybe even the Super Bowl. Get down with the people. Find some inspiration.

I wanted to try an experiment. To go to the gym every day for a week with a t-shirt that says, "What's that smell?" Then go one day with another shirt that says, "No seriously, what's that smell?" To see if anyone notices. People around me just seem so stressed or preoccupied in general. I want to see someone smiling.

Maybe it's the weather and the new year and the economy. Or maybe I'm just out of sync right now.