that's what it's like to cry sometimes.

when you have to be a very strong person, when people are looking at you for what to do, you have to focus all that energy into your head, but your emotions go somewhere, carried by an underground river into somewhere deep. dark. afterwards, when you find a safe place, you cry like that, just release. it's almost masturbation, once it's gone, you can see things the way that's normal again, but you'll always remember those days when you cry as rainy days, whether or not they were.

what would it be like for me to just be myself? claim ownership over everything i own, feel that the things i've collected really belong to me. to believe in whatever i want to believe in, and not worry about how other people react. become...average. enjoy the mundane.