here's the closest I've ever come to explaining what it was like growing up, that black hole I carry with me that I don't know how to get rid of.

michael

when my brother rages
his face fills with blood and
his mouth snaps open
erupting
a high pitched scream
like an animal with its hind leg clenched
between the unflinching jaws of a steel-toothed trap

i restrain him by sitting on
his frail flailing body
feeling his primal fear twist and
claw against my overwhelming weight
as if subduing a six year old
whose brain will eternally reflect
only a small fraction of his age is
some heroic feat to be proud of

someone once asked me why we don’t put him in chains

i told her i would go home and ask my dad
but instead went straight to bed and prayed that
her parents would die in a violent accident
so that she too could know what it is to be helpless and flawed
in an thunderous world that turns a deaf ear to the tiniest voices