People Who Only Believe What They Want to Believe

Okay, I think I figured out what crawled up my butt in regards to the movie, Closer. It has to do with one of the final scenes, when one of the characters is so convinced of something that happened, that he demands the "truth," but won't take any other answer other than the one in his head as the truth. Including the actual truth. Even though he's wrong.

He was so adamant and aggressive that there was no way around it, so the character being harassed just admits to it, even though it's not true. And I felt so emotionally and psychologically trapped and claustrophobic from the impact of that scene, that I just wanted to run out of the theater and throw a chair through a plate glass window or something just to relieve that inner pressure and discomfort.

One of my biggest triggers has always been when I tell the truth about something and people don't believe me, acting like they know I'm lying. Being falsely accused, even with the smallest things. It's even worse if they're smug about it. They've already made up their minds about it, and there's nothing that you can say to change their minds, even if everything you say and have said was the truth. I used to flip out when I was a kid if I was accused of something I didn't do. Because you feel so helpless...there is nothing you can say or do that can change that person's mind, because they've already got it made up and it's the only "truth" that they'll accept. I would get so angry, like, if you're just going to assume I did this, I may as well have done it. And it makes me want to go out and do something bad. Because for some reason, Truth is sacred to me, for better for worse, and I can be quite vigilant about it. While Truth can be complex or in the gray area sometimes, I feel strongly that if someone is adamantly holding on to something that is clearly not true, especially if it comes to their perceptions of me or my actions, then I've essentially been pegged into a hole that I don't belong in with no way to get out.

I'm feeling trapped and desperate just talking about this.

It can be something small, like someone thinking you're just making up an excuse because you don't want to hang out, or that you're mad at them even when you're not. Or something big, like someone claiming that you stole something. Because you essentially have no way to prove otherwise if this person has made up his or her mind that this is the truth, even though they're wrong.

Maybe I was falsely accused of a crime in a past life and punished for it or something. But all I know is that consistently over my life, nothing makes me feel more afraid, more helpless, more angry, more violent, than when people don't believe me when I'm telling the truth or when people accuse me of something that isn't true.