Older and Wiser
(...or more so, older)

Yesterday I turned 27. Here is a list of things I've learned in the last year:

1. Do not set a toaster oven for 12 minutes when making toast.
2. Be careful of mixed company when making jokes about KY, cucumbers and My Little Pony.
3. Two women in a relationship = high drama within a 25 mile radius.
4. Europeans hate us.
5. I have the capacity to keep mayonnaise in my fridge for over 8 months after it expires.
6. My turtle was a girl.
7. You never know who might come back into your life.
8. You never know who might suddenly leave.
9. People are more onto you than you would like to believe.
10. Never complain about your job on the internet when it can be traced back to you.
11. Stalking is an artform if you do it with class.
12. Your past has less power over you than you think.
13. You're probably doing things that are results of old unconscious wounds as I write this.
14. Sometimes God speaks through the kindness of strangers.
15. Sometimes you just have to let yourself take the leap off the cliff and trust people.
16. The friends you make in life ARE your family.
17. There are a lot of really fucking funny people out there in this world.
18. It doesn't matter if some people don't "get" you; there are enough who do.
19. You can always find something that will make you smile.
20. Soul food will make you fatter but happier.
21. Sometimes you can have people in your life you don't even like, yet you don't realize it's okay not to have them in your life anymore.
22. Not everyone in your life wants you to do well.
23. Cherish the people who do.
24. My favorite poker hand is a hand that has all red cards.
25. You're never too old to make crank calls.