Today I woke up and felt gloriously strong and balanced. I have no doubt that at this time in my life, I'm stronger and more able to take care of myself by trusting my inner voice and listening more carefully in a way that distinguishes the voices of playful danger-loving curiosity, and the voices of good care.
I had two interesting encounters yesterday, one that will potentially help me move forward on my path, and one that revealed itself to be one that will attempt to hold me back in the same negative patterns from years ago. The latter I feel was a challenge, to see if I've truly learned my lessons over the years and grown, or if I can be toppled with the same negative interactions and gameplaying from other people. I think I'm very clear on what I need to do with each, and that's the reason I feel so good today.
Sometimes people are so busy playing defense and making sure they get what they think they want, that they never notice the people around them and what they are truly saying, or what those people even want, because what they want may not be what you assumed. The key is to listen, rather than play off assumptions that create miscalculations. And then when you don't get the results you want within your relationships and you don't understand why, you're miserable and assume that life just likes to throw you lemons or people always let you down. Truthfully, you do it to yourself and you know it. You just don't feel a need to work for anything or change, because if you get results from minimal effort and tantrum throwing whenever things threaten to change, and then blame external circumstances or other people when things go south, why would you put in any work when you can manipulate from the comfort of your living room couch? This is just lazy and a guarantee for a person to never experience truly fulfilling and rewarding relationships in their lives. Cowardess is not an appealing cologne. So don't wear it.
It's not my job to fix other people or even be a friend to them if I can't feel without a doubt that I'm getting something beneficial back in return. For example, Reggie has a friend that I really don't like. He tells Reggie that Reggie's a good friend because he never asks him for anything. I get mad whenever Reggie talks about this, because he's proud of this fact, but he doesn't read the subtext. The subtext is that this person is happy that Reggie is there for him whenever he needs him at a moment's notice, and he likes the fact that he has to put in no effort because he's in a situation where he has to give nothing or just the minimal effort back for maximum reward. That's bullshit.
A beneficial relationship, be it a friendship or a romantic partnership, is a two way street. For balance, everything is mutual--support, understanding, level of commitment to growth, faith, and positive regard. For someone to ask for a friendship when they aren't prepared to give back anything is an immature and self-centered notion. Shame on them. And if you are on the receiving end of this type of silly proposal, if you are a person who respects yourself in any way, you should never agree to such a ridiculous arrangement. You don't need that kind of thing in your life.
I'm on my way to San Francisco to see Aubrey and Candice, and to celebrate Simar's birthday. Have a great weekend everyone!
