Okay. the Happier exercises i've been putting off. turning them in on the last day.
Sentence stems then answers.
Being in love means...finding the one. finding my home. being a safe haven for the one i love. finding someone that i would do anything for, not out of obligation which is how a lot of people get me to do things, but because i truly want to, great or small. i want to know everything about this person, i want to know every high, every low, every scratch, every trauma. every rivalry, every achievement, every love. i want to feel the breadth of life through their fingers, understand their path and how they got to become the person i know. i want them to tell me, because they are so positive of their love for me and feel it so tangibly, that all of these things are just the inevitable stories that brought us together. by sheer will i want to wash away corners of their darkness and give them a safe place to truly rest and feel at peace. it means i can finally feel at home being consistently the person i am knowing that it is safe and brings happiness to the only person who sees me. it means wanting to know everything, every feeling, every thought, every sensation, by way of knowing and the peace it comes with. being in love means knowing someone deeply and being known deeply and the bond being real. it means me having the freedom to expand and show who i really am, and being not just accepted, but loved for it. it means looking at my partner and knowing he is as much a part of my life and my destiny, that he's as familiar to me as my own body. it means trust, that i will fight to the death anyone who dares to threaten you, and should i ever be blindsided, you always fight for me. it means knowing for sure, because there can only be one, and everyone else was someone who helped to prepare me to recognize the one. it means knowing that you have come from where i've come and are going where i am going. it means i finally give up my secrets, though they weren't so much secrets as things i couldn't seem to get people to understand. being in love for me, means i finally got something that i really wanted because it's actually mine.
to be a better friend...i could clear up my issues and obsessions so i have more time and attention to keep up with their lifes and their welfare. i always felt that if there is a good connection with someone, no matter how much time passes, they will always be there. i know sometimes i can fall out of touch for years, a decade. some of it has to do with my feelings about my life and my environment at any given time, so if i didn't like the stage i was at, i tended to feel like people either didn't notice me or didn't like me either. mostly, sometimes i just get so obsessed with the meaning that i'm searching for, the expression that i'm looking for that it's hard for me to keep up with too many people. i always appreciate it when people get in touch with me and i always try to respond thoughtfully. i truly feel though if i could sort out my own mess and get more focused, that in itself will make me a better friend because i'll have more time, attention, energy and perspective.
to be a better partner...i would be more patient and not get frustrated so quickly. i will take more space to formulate what i'm saying, or not kick someone in the nuts figuratively just because they're being stupid in any given moment. see more of the positive and not focus on the things that need to be worked on. allow people to say what they want to say and finish, even if i disagree. not make threats to leave. not make promises i'm afraid to keep. broach difficult topics with more tact, consideration, compassion and patience. ask more questions. stop demanding things from someone who can't or doesn't want to give it. it doesn't make me or the other person feel better.
to bring 5 percent more happiness to my romantic relationship...i would argue less. when i get irritated, to bring it up in a lighter way rather than aggressively. be more patient and don't punish even if i have a right to be angry. make him feel like he has enough space to be human.
to bring 5 percent more happiness to my friendships...i would pick up the damn phone more often and actually call people.
to bring love to my life...i could not expect so much in such an idealized form, so that i could be happy with what i have.
i am becoming aware...that it comes down to two theories: you have to work at all relationships no matter what so even if a relationship seems to be clashing, you have to work through it; or, if you find the right relationship, even though there will inevitably be disagreements, overall, the two people are able to work well together cooperatively as equals. i feel the 2nd. i really, really want that.
if i take more responsibility for fulfilling my desires...i would follow my intuition and get back on track. i would stop trying to make the most out of what little i have, and go seek out the place where the resources are abundant. i would not be afraid to ask life for more, for what i deserve, and do whatever it takes for me to achieve it.
if i let go and allow myself to experience what love feels like...it feels like heaven and hell. the deciding factor is if you want it. if this particular brand of heaven and hell is the one that you suits you the best.
