my mother is going through her saturn return and her annual 12th house tour. it was hard being sucked up in it because it falls in cancer, thus simultaneously revealing a facet of myself as it reveals a hidden facet within her. but this is karmic duty.

family is great overall though. lots of positive energy, they're creating positivity on their own. was happy for that. andrew is a sweetheart. his innocence, like michael's, makes me smile. i hope life never takes that away from him, or that he always fights for it.

some idiots surfaced and just as quickly went away. some people have so little going on in their own lives that they try to project onto yours because they're afraid to ask themselves their own questions. doesn't matter. the only person you answer to is yourself. the only person you give to are those you want to. that's basic. if you can live with yourself, if you accept yourself, it really doesn't matter what other people think. your own self-containment will naturally draw people towards you who have also achieved a healthy sense of self-containment and awareness.

i had this dream last night. ran into someone i once knew and because i'm who i am, i was nice even though he betrayed me, even though he probably won't be able to fully understand it until he has the courage to face himself and his actions. truthfully, he will probably never understand it. it's always been so easy for him to blame others for his actions, or project his lack of self-respect as others failing him. so i saw him and i was polite and nice, even though i was well aware this person is a snake--weak and selfish. we were shooting baskets andhe was happy because i was being nice to him, and i realized he was actually relieved because he knew he'd talked a lot of shit about me behind my back that i'd never deserved, and sadly, i actually knew about it but chose to be a bigger person and see it as just the kind of person he is and had always ignored it. but suddenly, i realized, i was under no obligation to stay and give him my patience and kindness. the truth was, he didn't deserve it. he was never my friend. his only interest was what i could give to him, how i could make him feel. as soon as it occurred to me, i just walked out of the gym and to my car. i wasn't angry, i didn't make a big show of it, it was as calm and disconnected as signing off of msn messenger. it was a good feeling, one of empowerment and freedom. in the parking garage, someone handed me some hand-painted fliers for an upcoming event. they thought i was part of a group hired to distribute them. i had no responsibility and wanted to put them down, but i saw they were hand-painted and knew someone had put in great effort to make them, so i put them on some windshields before i left. good karma.