Hung out with Josh, Lawrence and their friends in San Francisco last night. Josh started talking to me about a writer and said he sometimes writes about ninjas. I said, "Excuse me, did you just say ninjas?" Curtis and I have been running some motif about ninjas. I told Josh that ninjas have dominated my mind and conversations the last two days. He said he thought everyone had a little bit of ninja in them. He looked at me and said, "You clearly are the black ninja," and I started laughing. Later, as we were leaving this guy waved goodbye at me and then someone said, "She's walking with us." "This is so awkward!" I said and everyone laughed saying he'd waved prematurely. This would be a good time to do a "ninja vanish" he said, and Josh looked at me in surprise.

"You know how sometimes people can get on the same wavelength and think the same thing? I think you dominated the wavelengths tonight and willed ninjas into our minds."
Later, I called a truce between Curtis and I. We have a lot of energy running between us with the potential for something great and the potential for power struggles that could collapse into open enmity, and we have a way of being provocative in how we test each other's boundaries and try to get to know each other. I feel like I've gotten to the place in my life where I don't want to flirt by mental sword fight. A little is okay, but I want to be able to ask a question and get an honest answer, and be able to be nice and genuinely care about someone without being made to feel lame because the other person isn't at that place yet to be straightforward. So hoping to curb the combativeness between us, we were texting and I wrote, "To be honest, I would much prefer to fight next to you than against you." And he responded, "For sure! You seem mindfuckingly dangerous!"

He's charming, probably more progressive than other people his age the way I was. I have to be careful. I go chasing after people who are mentally quick but may only be giving the illusion of depth, and who aren't necessarily mine, and if I compromised now, it's a repeat of the same lesson from two years ago, and I don't want that.

I don't want Fremont to regress me. I don't want to make bad judgments. I need to get to the next level. I want only what's mine.