Just got back from a date with a musician. I didn't really want to go, and as Brian pointed out, I spent the day listing the reasons why I didn't want to go, even though I had already agreed to go. Yeah, I could have backed out because it was up to me, but I didn't want to be rude and that tends to override everything else.

Well, whatever. I'm just glad I'm home. As always, I want to protect the privacy of the people who are involved in my semi-public life, but one strange issue was how much he looked and acted like a guy I had dated years ago who had seriously antagonized me. Same mannerisms and personality characteristics, but I did a pretty good job of looking past those to get know him based on his own individuality; despite that, sometimes there's just no chemistry. But what was really cool was that he taught me how to type the braille alphabet (he teaches Braille to children). Seemed like a nice guy.

I've decided that I don't think I really like dating. I've never really liked dating. Because in essence, you're going out with a stranger. I tend to go out with people and I don't want things to be awkward so I can be a great conversationalist, be attentive and engaging and make them feel comfortable. When in truth, sometimes there's nothing there and I just want to get up and say, "I'm sorry but this isn't going to work" and leave. But I never do. The important lesson to be taken is this--I feel more comfortable getting to know someone casually, platonically, and then deciding I'm interested before things go further. Or I prefer people I get to know through friends, or a mutual activity, or at least, we have gotten to know and respect each other somewhat before going out. Because otherwise, I get myself in situations that I'm too polite to get out of. And I don't like that. I don't like that at all.

I'm reading White Oleander which is the book I wish I had written, or could write, or maybe someday, will have gained enough life experience and reflection to write. It's so poetic and truthful and really captures feelings, situations and life with exacto-knife precision.

Love versus Sex.

Supposedly, for a woman: Love and Sex can not be separated.
Supposedly, for a man: Love and Sex are not the same thing.

Sex is just a physical release.
Sex is the offering of your soul.
Sex caters to our most unevolved instincts.
Sex joins two entities into one.
Sex takes away a part of you.
Sex reminds you that you are whole.
Sex is cruelty in its purest form.
Sex is purity in its cruelest form.

So what the fuck is it?

I think sex and love can easily be separated. Because Love is so much bigger than Sex, and Sex can be had without Love just as Love can be had without Sex.

Women: Don't use Sex to try to get Love.
Men: Don't use Sex to try to avoid Love.

Now we all get along, Rodney King.

There. It's solved. Now give me my medal.