i once had a conversation with my friend bobby about mirroring people's energies...i'd been gleefully wearing his leo energy while playing basketball for a few months and i'd been having the time of my life. that energy seemed to affect bobby as well, even though it was just a reflection of his own energy, the purest part of his energy. 

the past few months, i had once again become a mirror, absorbing energy so that the person i was absorbing it from can see. see the silhouette and shadows of his own painful insides, his darkest, deepest cave. 

in a way, i had been inexplicably preparing for this for a year, training my body like an aspiring pro athlete, cleaning up my diet, heart, mind and psyche. even though i didn't consciously know where i was going at the time, i can say with confidence in hindsight, that i knew that what i was going to take on would require me to be the strongest i've ever been. 

the more secrets of his i knew, the stronger the projections of his insides into my perception of the world. very quickly, my world turned into bizarrely bright days and hushed rainy days. there was intense beauty, from the flowers, to the rain, to grass in the yard gently swaying by the wind. there were thunderstorms and candlelight and silence brimming with conversation. and then i wanted to see the darkness, and suddenly, i was within it. 

people always think it's worse than it really is. whatever it is inside them whose pain radiates in powerful waves of energy. but when my world becomes their projection of these things, it always turns the world into a caricature of dark alleyways and menacing whispers. 

the more time i spent with him, the darker my mind became and the more power surged through me, a battle between a gentle, infinite desire to be good and a dark, hissing shadow. i became obsessed with the red light district, knowing that so many problems were started here. and then somewhere in the course of my fall into the darkness and my search for the reason and my belief that i am ultimately showing him these things for good, something breaks and everything that churns in my mind from my connection to this dark world suddenly spills out of his mouth, as though my thoughts and words were a magnet for his secrets. 

and from there, comes the most absolute, painful truth between two people. 

i believe i have two choices. i've always felt that life is a series of decisions like 90 degree left or right turns. and the sum of those decisions creates the circuitboard of my life. in this case, i don't know which decision, left or right, will be the one that gives us the best chance of making it out of this.

but i'm working really hard for the answer. 

please, i just need some help.