It was good to hear from you...I wish it had been under better circumstances. You're going to be okay. Just focus on cutting through the unfortunate things from your childhood to put yourself and your well-being first.

I need you to know that I support you in this. I want to be there for you as a friend, and to consider me anything outside of that is off-the-scales complicated, and the last thing you need right now. Because at the end of the day, you're still going to need to do this with your own legs so that you can prove to yourself that you can trust yourself, and that your life is yours and that you are in control of it. I swear to God I'm not trying to fuck with you. I have so much respect for you. I realize that I have to be more careful of what I write on my blog. I'm working out my own feelings about this situation, but I'm starting to realize it's not healthy or fair for you to see them. I'm going to be more responsible with what I post from now on.

But I also need you to know exactly where I'm coming from. I believe one of the reasons we met was for me to help you with your life challenge, because it's a pain I easily recognize. As you said before, you would have had to deal with this whether or not I came into your life, because no one should live life so unhappily for someone else's sake. But I hope someday you'll look back and see me as a positive influence, as means of support and encouragement, who only wanted to show you how much you're worth and how much you have unnecessarily and heartbreakingly punished yourself in your life up to this point. I want you to start treating yourself the way you would like someone you care about, such as your sister, to be treated. You would never let someone you love put so much blame and torture on themselves. You would never say the things you say to yourself to a person you love. So stop doing it to yourself. Please.

I want to see you safe and in a better place. But I also need you to trust me when I say, that things will turn out VERY badly for everyone if you involve me in this situation. I wish I could but my involvement would only inflame the situation. You know that. Use your support network--your family, your friends. Your therapist. You have so many people who care about you and want to look out for you. Let yourself ask for help without blaming yourself. You're not going to get through this by blaming yourself, or letting others put guilt on you. Your time is now...to prove to yourself how much you value yourself, and how far you're willing to go to take care of yourself. That is your life lesson and when you conquer it, trust me...life will be gravy afterwards because you will know you can handle ANYTHING. Okay? God, I'm praying for you. For you to harness everything you have to treat yourself well.

Deep down, you and I are both aware that I can't be in the middle of this. But I'll give you access to all of my resources and you know you have my support and prayers. Know that in your heart. I know it's so hard, what it takes to leave an abusive relationship. How hard it is not to want to justify everything for the sake of making things agreeable, how easy it is to forget the bad just because you're afraid to leave and because you honestly love that person. But an abusive relationship breaks you down and it's not love. Love is never control and threats and emotional manipulation. And you're worth too much to live like that. I know you've been gathering your strength and I know that you can count on yourself. You're going to make it through this.

Please don't let her find out about these messages. I'm trusting you, okay?

Call the organizations below. They'll provide you with a lot of information. Ask your therapist about them if you'd like. They have counselors who will discuss your situation with you, figure out the best way to do things. You need to devise a safety plan ASAP. Please take this seriously. My prayers are with you...you're a strong, beautiful person who is going to get through this and fly.

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