very honest notes from the future...

It's funny how I have so much knowledge sometimes and laughingly little at others. I have huge blindspots. My heart is too big. Maybe when someone tells me there's a "history" there, they're telling me I'm off base. Maybe it's not so one-sided. Maybe people have been unfaithful before so people are hyper-sensitive. Maybe both people know exactly which buttons to press, so neither is really that innocent. Two people driven by the intense magnetism between the love/hate poles, each with a long list of grievances against the other, pulled out at a moment's notice. And each driving the other crazy. Maybe without really realizing they want to, but nevertheless, driven by unconscious forces to do so, as that is the nature of being in close contact in this type of relationship. And to leave seems too overwhelming. . Whatever the case, it's none of my business and I don't want it to be any of my business. I'm supportive of what you're going through. I don't need an explanation right now, but I will probably want something along those lines later for my own understanding and ability to trust. As for me, analyzing and looking ahead is incredibly mentally and psychically draining for me. Too much intensity when the solution isn't ready to be had, so I have to disconnect for a bit to recharge and gain distance so I'm not one of the players. Because this storm has been raging for a while before I got here, and it'll continue raging for a while longer.

I realized a few really random things today. It's not your father, but the complex relationship with your mother from which much stems.

I also noticed that you try to hide the fact that you're a lot smarter and aware of things than you actually want people to know. You're more powerful at controlling situations than you want people to realize. And you probably hide it from yourself as well. When I told you that you're someone who can get whatever she wants, I wasn't quite sure of what I meant until now. Is that you're secret? That you can willfully create your world? Do you get scared sometimes when you realize the magnitude of your responsibility for the things that happen around you? Or when you have no idea why you wanted certain things brought into your world? Because these are things I can understand. Ohhhh, fellow reality projector...use your powers for good, okay? Play nice.

Ah...we live in a strange, strange, universe. If true help is needed, and when the spiritual path is cleared for a true, honest friendship, I'm sure you'll find me again.

"See you in brighter days............."