i was playing basketball today and i could already feel it was going to be a weird day.

the little hispanic guy was at me again, insisting on giving me a hug. even while we played, i think he grabbed me too hard at one point, trying to hug me from behind and i had to buck him off. because I have a massive bruise on my right wrist where he was pinning my arms. i ended up saying i didn't want him to guard me after we beat his team. he asked me why and i said, because you're a pervert. i think i was also worried about how physical he was. we went up for a rebound at the same time and i got bumped, and it was one of those things where I got flipped so I was parallel to the ground, and the moment it happened, I knew my legs were spun out from under me and I was going to land on my back. I was able to twist just enough so my left arm took the brunt of the fall, but it was scary. it knocked the wind out of me. of course, i got up right away because i really believe you can't give a negative reality too much time or opportunity to set in.

i guarded the fast asian kid who wears goggles instead, and i sagged off because i knew the guy making the inbound pass would see him and make the lazy pass in, giving me an easy steal. i saw him see the guy standing in the key and i knew he wasn't even going to look to see where i was so i jumped as the ball left his hands, a clean, easy steal.

but then something kind of terrible happened. my shoulder, which has been annoyingly popping out and back in the last few months when i raise my arm too fast or when i catch a high pass one-handed, popped out. and for the first time in my life, it didn't pop back in. it felt like my deltoid had gotten twisted so my shoulder couldn't get back into the socket. i was holding my arm and trying to figure out which way i would have to jerk it to push it back in, but i couldn't and i was calmly freaking out because any injury on the basketball court means they call in the "doctor," and i didn't want to see the dark dc. this encounter needed to be avoided at all costs. yet the pain was so intense and i was honestly more worried about preventing this encounter.

fuck it hurt. i couldn't bend my arm or lift it, but somehow, i pushed it back in with a pop. then i shook it out and kept playing. i couldn't really lift my arm for a while and had no strength, but after a few minutes, my arm did come back to life and make the game-winning shot. a driving bank shot from the right which was an unusual shot for me in and of itself. but i'm glad it ended the game, though i must not have taken it very seriously because i stayed and played another and then went and did some light weights to try to strengthen the areas around my shoulder. but in hindsight, i realize i basically dislocated my shoulder and it got locked out of socket, then i had to pop it back in manually, which is kind of serious, though a little lethal weapon, but without the mel-gibson feather-mullet. i saw a shoulder dislocation happen to a guy on the court once and he was on the floor crying so they had to call the paramedics. i didn't really think about how serious it was until i was in such pain tonight, i managed to sit through an entire movie and have no recollection of a good hour of it because it was so distracting. i don't know why i didn't realize how much pain i was really in.

i have to rest it. it's a little scary, what happened. it made me realize again how my will is stronger than my body, and i have to be careful because i have an incredible capacity to ignore physical pain, which can be detrimental to my health. i think this is something i really have to start seriously considering.

on a different note, why's everyone staring at me and commenting that i got tan? i think i look different and people can tell there's something different about me, but they seem to relate it to the tone of my skin. even when that guy ben, whom i've never met, commented on me being tan as though he was surprised that i'd gotten so tan...there's something they're seeing that they don't seem to quite know what they're seeing, and i can't figure out what it is.