Officially, the freak out began on Tuesday. I'm terrified of this trip. Terrified. It will be uncharted territory. High risk and high reward for adventure, drama, wisdom, creativity. But still, a terrifiying unknown.

I feel I have no choice but to move forward.

I think this is the most logical next step for where I'm trying to get.

I believe without exploration, there can be no discovery.

I am afraid.

Beat two guys at 21 two times in a row today. The last game I won with 5 consecutive shots on a sprained ankle (pull up jumper, 3 free throws, 3 pointer). It even surprised me because again, I'm never this good unless I'm alone or playing against someone with no one else watching. Something's pretty jacked with my right foot so I might be done for a while. But I was feeling really intense today, really brooding in a way that I couldn't even acknowledge the existence of a world outside of this game. And maybe that's what gave me the safety to be good. I blocked a couple of shots, too, which is secretly my greatest high in the game, the thing that gives me the biggest rush. It's getting in tune with someone so deeply that his moves are your moves, but when he gets to the place of attack, you're already there waiting for him. And yeah, I'm a bully for loving it, but you still get to be on top.

The day at the gym did start kind of uniquely. When I was warming up, I discovered the sudden return of my left. My wrist was somewhat rusty, but the motion suddenly seemed familiar again, manageable. It had been useless for so long, even though I had solid left hand post moves in high school. I'd found it completely unresponsive the last few years, like I was trying to communicate with a hand living on a foreign planet which I had no common language with. And suddenly today, it came back. And then I went on to beat those guys at 21 playing exponentially beyond my usual focus. I think they might be connected.

I had a dream a couple of weeks ago. In the dream I was laying in bed on a Sunday afternoon, and I had the idea that if I practiced doing things with my left hand, if I learned how to write with it, play basketball with it and feel adept with it, it would open up previously dormant parts of my brain that would allow me greater capabilities of understanding. In my dream I was drifting off to sleep, but I was excited to try it when I woke up.

Maybe today was a reminder that it's time to explore this to see if it will open up the other half of my mind.