Yesterday I was shooting baskets on the same hoop as an old guy sporting crazy hair, like a Middle-Eastern Albert Einstein. He was kind of annoying me because he was the type who can't really play, but throws the basket at the hoop so hard it comes slamming off the backboard and will bean you in the back of the head if you don't keep an eye on it, but I lived with it. This white guy who was about 6'7" and his slim girlfriend came in and asked the guy if he wanted to play 2-on-2. The guy said no, he wasn't very good, but the guy said he wasn't good either and the girl doesn't play at all. We all shot around and the guy was kind of patronizing to her which was annoying considering she was actually pretty athletic and decent though clearly not someone who's had a history of playing. So I said, let's play 2's. I guarded him rather than her, and he said that she didn't know the rules so I said we wouldn't worry about it.

During the game, she played hard and made quite a few shots. We weren't really guarding her, just standing straight up when she shot, but he kept yelling, "Don't play defense against her." It really made me want to stick him with an elbow in the gut, which was right about where my elbows were, the guy was so tall. It was just really rude because it was condescending and devaluing her abilities.

It's like this guy thinks that he thinks she's great, I mean, obviously since he's dating her, but he doesn't really see her because he's kind of seeing her through a projection of himself or his idea of her/women. Which is a shame to not really see what makes a person truly unique and beautiful, especially the person you are with. That truth is really the pearl within the oyster. I'm not saying she's a great person as I don't know her, but I could just tell how limited his scope was and that was a shame.

I didn't really do much in the game, just passed it to my teammate, Einstein, and let him bounce the ball off the backboard while congratulating everyone who did anything good. I hit a few shots but I wasn't too into it. After the game, I was leaving to do cardio and stopped to shake hands with Einstein. He doesn't let go of my hand and tells me, "I can tell you're a good person." I say thank you and he doesn't let go, still shaking my hand. "I can tell you're a good person, that your parents raised you right and everything about you is good. Trust me, I'm 60 years old and I'm wise because I'm old so I can tell. You are truly a good person."

I cover his hand with my other one and hold his in both of mine, warmly, and say, "Thank you. You're very kind." And I look him the eyes and connect. He smiles, happy, and lets go of my hand. I pat him on the shoulder, smile and leave.

I realized that I don't really look that many people in the eye. I mean, I look at them, often in fleeting glances if they're aware of me, and I'm always perceiving them, but only when I want to do I look in a straightforward way in which they know without a doubt that they have all of my attention and I'm really openly connected. Earlier that day, I'd had a long chat with my dentist. I've been going to him for 5 years now, but for some reason that day, we stopped and had a 45 minute discussion about life and people. He said that when people talk, it's often a projection of themselves, what they want or what they fear. It was funny that he should have mentioned that because earlier in the conversation when we were talking about my ex-boss, I could tell from what he was saying, his feelings and insecurities about dating.

Maybe that moment on the court was just an old man wanting to tell a passing stranger an observation. Or maybe people just want another person to look at them and truly see them as good people so they can feel validated. Or maybe what it was really about was that this guy just wanted someone to see him and acknowledge him.

I think that's important to every person, whether we consciously acknowledge it or not. No one wants to feel insignificant. Insignificance is the first warning sign that a person might be disappearing and deep down, that is one of the most human fears.