Dude! No wonder Brian and I are so depressed today. Mercury went into Scorpio today so we're thinking all morbid, dark thoughts. Not that I believe that where a planet moves dictates the evolution of people's lives. But I do believe that astrology is a creative way to use symbols to identify the currents that affect our soul energies. In the same way that American Indians named their spirits. And the way scientists named wave frequencies. We're just speaking in different languages, trying to describe energy. Life force. What we are. I like to think of what we really are at the core, our souls, as ghosts of sorts--each a floating awareness, completely free of any physical tensions, being blown whimsically by a soft, cool fall wind, blowing at dusk. The many faces and emotions of the wind are the numerous conflicting energy currents around us on the physical plane. The ones that lightly nudge (or violently shock) us towards the destination where time and space collapse to become one and the same. The ones we perceive as an intuitive pull, an instinct, an intrigue, or a burning bead of desire that motivates us along our lives. Or for the more spiritually dense, the impulsive forces of a chaotic anti-system that working off a cause/effect linear model, outputting statistical coincidence. (think: those theoretical monkeys in a room who by sheer statistical probability, achieved the right combination of symbols and banged out Shakespeare on a typewriter). Regardless of how these forces are visualized and expressed, it can not be denied that they exist. I've found the easiest way to live, is to let go of all tension...in your mind, in your body, in your heart, and just let yourself be directed by the currents, follow their cues... When you give up control and let go of spiritual tension so that your psychic awareness is taking in all of the energies around you, you'll find your life going in interesting places.

You'll find your universe becomes more synchronized. I believe a lot of life is the equivalent of coincidence for a person, in a manner of speaking, merely in the fact that you don't really care about things that don't directly pertain to you. Therefore, you have limited awareness of it, but really, no need to focus on it. It's filler. All those other people are all union extras. You don't need to know their names. But the things that directly affect you seemingly at random, are NOT coincidences. They move you along as well as serve as markers to tell you if you're on the right or wrong path. Sometimes it'll be the people I meet, an idea sparked by something I read or random experiences.

For example, last week I was having a conversation with someone about energy and intent. About how someone who is very empathic can feel people's energy and have a very good idea of a person's intentions, motivations and general internal make-up. A few days later, I went to a party where a psychologist was randomly passing out an article on an experiment that was done in which it was shown that how a water crystal forms can be influence by the energy of words (they would wrap a piece of paper with a word written on it around a glass of water and then freeze it. Different words created distinctly different crystal formations, with positive words forming the most complex formations and negative words sometimes not forming crystals at all). Beautiful. Someone was testing for anima. I was really excited because I had JUST been talking about this. So I put myself in a corner and read the article, thinking about this stuff and the problem is that I don't think it's a word written on a piece of paper that affected the composition of the crystal formations. I think it was the intent of the person who placed the paper, that person's energy, the projected expectations, that the water recorded within its crystal formations. The article didn't mention if the experiment was also run blind where the person who placed the paper didn't know what the word was. I suspect that would make a huge difference. Because water, like new pussy, can't read.

Anyway, so I come back and I've been thinking a lot about this stuff. I go to lunch at a little Vietnamese restaurant on Tuesday and sit next to some physicists from UCLA. Of course I'm eavesdropping because that's just what I do, and plus, the one in the corner with the shaggy hair and MIT t-shirt is really cute. I had an intuition I was going to try to jump into their conversation, so I warned myself, Shih, stop fucking embarrassing me. You had BETTER not. They talk about the movie Waking Life for a while and I almost get through my lunch without talking to anyone but the waiter, but then one guy goes, "Hey, I just read in a journal about this experiment that was done with water crystals and words." And I say, "I have that article on me!" (Damn. I ALWAYS talk to strangers) So he wants to see it so I give it to him and they talk about it, but I had tuned out already, because it was like, once I gave him the article, I had ZERO motivation left to even be aware of them. Like I picked my hat off the saloon floor, shook off the sawdust, pulled it over my head as I casually took in the damage of the room...brushed off my hands, saying, "Well, my job here is done," my faithful 17 year-old nephew and deputy, Willie, trailing behind me as I push open the swinging doors, my sharp silhouette quickly devoured by the merciless high noon sun. Hmm. Boy. I'm not quite sure where my mind just went.

So in the name of cutting this short so I can get to bed tonight at a reasonable hour, I think if you open yourself up and just "go with the flow" of the universe, it gets you to where you need to be, and in contact with the people you need to meet in order to complete the specific challenges set out for you in this lifetime. At different times, we serve as facilitators to others, helping them along their paths without knowing exactly what we're supposed to provide them. Life is really exciting if you think of it that way. So many things have such purpose. And I think we shouldn't concern ourselves so much over obsessing about what the nature of the connection is or what the purposes are within the connection, but rather, we should just go with our gut instincts and let ourselves be guided through life to get to where we need to be.

This is something I've only recently realized. I always understood it intellectually, but I've only recently learned how to feel it...the releasing of inner tension so that you can be guided by the forces around you. Connecting to the psychic, spiritual currents of the universe is easy...you can learn how to do it. It feels like forcing a muscle to relax...and you can get better and better at it. I liken it to that first buzz when you drink or smoke. But substances can't hold you in that state of receptiveness. You really have to learn how to achieve it on your own.