Today's notes:

1. I am on the verge of a black eye. A bag of frozen peas is seeing what it can do.

2. Fried chicken...only the devil could have invented fried chicken.

3. Max is Urethra's bitch.

4. Diet Coke with Lime will leave a strange, artificially-sweet aftertaste that last hours. The phantom taste will make you wonder if you possibly have a brain tumor if you don't remember having drank it.

5. Went and played basketball at the gym and got elbowed in the face driving the lane (unrelated to near-black eye). Next play, drove again, crossed over a defender for a 6 ft bank shot. The guy on the other team said, "If I didn't know better, I would think you were black." I told him, "I am black." Then got sad, wishing I were black and could dunk.

6. Very, very, very upset about my lack of motivation to write. It's compounded by the fact that all of my friends make more money than me, and that I am severely underpaid for my position (or, the fact that I work 3 for the price of 1). Does anyone know of any job openings in LA? Seriously.

7. Blah