When the universe echoes in your head...

always be free.

This is how it's been. Every since my trip to San Francisco, I've been unstoppable. The same energy that was moving me last summer was coming through me, completely unapologetic. So I've played big, getting into people without trying, making things happen. If I can grab a person through their eyes, it's like we have this link, and that's when truthful things happen.

Coming back home, I realized I don't hate Los Angeles, I'm just bored here. I love my home, I love the area, I love the little pockets I've made familiar. I love that I can be a complete stranger. But what I want from it is this--I want it to give me a reason to stay. The biggest issue is that I just don't have enough connections out here because so many times, I look into someone's eyes and there's no one home. "This human is on auto-pilot." A deserted little control room still in mechanical operation like on Lost.

But then I started thinking, maybe if I put out my energy, I can wake people up. So I've been walking around like I've got this fire trapped inside my inner-most compartment, just raging to get out and making me highly uncomfortable if I don't keep expanding. I've been telling people how things are, not so much as words, but as realities. And they follow those lines. I'm always mindful that what I project is for their own good, or a positive step towards a collective benefit. Because at the end of the day, that's the fiber of what I am.

At work I've been a little war general. And we've got an uprising. But of course, I've come to terms that should the movement fail, I will be the one sacrificed. I volunteered myself because I am the only one who can afford it.

So my brain has been completely focused on work, how to structure the exact reality I want there. I haven't done much in this time outside of working, watching DVDs and going to the gym. Basketball and seeing those weekend morning guys has been a real pleasure and highlight. But outside of that, I limit all of my attention to work and listening to strangers for my next maneuvers.

I was terrified of this WangCon trip. WangCon was basically this amazing Girls-to-Vegas trip some friends of mine went on last year to see Prince. Apparently, it was such a life-changing experience, it was an event that had to be recreated and shared with as many loved ones as possible. So somehow, the idea of a girls' Vegas trip expanded to the initiation of seeing a wang show. Apparently, some other girls had gone and swore it was funny and interesting.

Personally, I don't care for strippers. The door opens, you get this cheesy guy who still thinks it's the 80's. He brings his own gear bag and a broke-ass stereo. And five minutes later, he's dancing as 20 middle-aged Asian women go scattering for the corners.

Yes, this was my experience of male strippers from embarrassing family events.

And ever since Sareet came up with the idea that you could get crabs in your eyelashes from twirling wang, I've been terrified for my vanity.

But I really had a feeling that no was not an acceptable answer, so even though I hadn't even been able to make myself pack yet with 3 hours to go before boarding, I had my coworker smoke me out, and I marched over to meet the girls for a trip I truly prayed I survived.

8:30pm Flight to Vegas

I note that it's a little bit awkward. We're a tribe without form. It's like the opening episode of The Amazing Race with the underlying fear that within hours, we may very well want to kill each other.

We meet up with some other girls (no one shall be named). I had booked late (I was all about procrastination with this trip) so I separated from the pack to rows down. I wish I had brought my DVD player but was happy to have my iPod. Been listening to a lot of the Stones, the Animals, classic rock etc. I have noise-cancelling headphones. Still, I heard a woman loudly proclaim, something something "WEINER!" I took off my headphones and turned around. Of course it was someone from our party. I got their attention and said in a very severe tone, "Can you guys just chill it?" I made an open gesture at everyone seated between us. Sareet immediately told everyone to shush. "Thank you." I said, shaking my head, making eye contact with everyone nodding sympathetically at me and who obviously had no idea I was with the same rowdy group. I whispered to a friend close by..."Just promise you'll bail me out by Sunday. I've gotta be at work Monday morning."

We were very excited about having ordered a limo which came with a driver who would be bearing the sign, "WangCon." They wondered what the guy thought about girls coming for something called WangCon, so I said offered to pretend I was a woman named Connie Wang and it was my birthday.