Just got back from WangCon. I guess it makes more sense that it's WangCon not WangCom, though the Asians like to turn that n into an m.

I do not have the mental capacity to recap right now. I've been up until between 5am and 7am the last few nights, mostly against my will. I'm convinced that these girls will kill anyone who shows weakness, particularly when faced with wang.

But I will tell you this, since I just can't get over it.

First of all, no one told me this club was FULL FRONTAL.

At least, not until I was on the goddam shuttle to the wang club.

Second of all, no one told me it was a Brutha Club. I figured I was over black wang. You should never take an alcoholic to a liquor store. I'm just saying, there's a reason I practice abstinence. I can not trust myself around naked men. These guys were built. I've never seen a 12+ inch wang in person, but there it was.

Third, and most concerning, NO ONE TOLD ME THESE GUYS ASSAULT AT WILL.

I was promised a seat in the back, which turned out to be a seat in the 2nd row. My first inkling that I was not safe, was when one of the strippers grabbed my friend two seats down, and basically hung her around his neck and bopped her against his crotch across the room. I should also tell you that this guy was about 5'4, and my friend is 5'9.

My second inkling, was when the next stripper climbed onto the chair that my friend in front of me was sitting in, and ran the head of his penis from her neck to her rosy, rosy bosoms.

I'll write a full recap some other time when I have more brain cells and when I have digested the whirlwind that was this weekend, but let me tell you, I've decided that I've never had good sex. If a man can 69 you while doing a headstand on the edge of the chair you're sitting in, then you know you've had good sex.

Also, I witnessed a teabag ownage. I'm not afraid of the devil, but I am afraid of getting owned by a teabag to the face.