The evil twin is just an electrical little imp.

This is what happened at the gym.

To preface, this guy I've caught watching me for months now showed up and played on Saturday. I was surprised because he's never confronted me. We've always just remained aware of each other on the peripheral with no attempt at contact. He was kind of walking into my territory.

So here's the thing that surprised me. He was such a little bitch. He kept falling down and refusing to get up. I offered my hand once and he wouldn't take it. C'mon, I'll help you up, I said with my hand extended. No, I'm 30, I'm old, he said. I waved him off and said, Whatever. But he kept falling down and refusing to get up because he was old. Finally, I told him that I'm 30, (pointed to B), He's 30, (pointed to another guy), He's 30. You don't see any of us on the ground.

He tried to play harder the rest of the game, more aggressive. I drove to the basket at one point and crashed into someone, coming down on their foot. Something I've found to always work with injuries is...Ignore Them. At least at first. Like refuse the existence of this reality. So I got up and walked it off, willing it from a bad ankle sprain to a tweak. Well, whatever he thinks he saw, he's fixated on. He keeps asking people if they saw how fast I got up. It was the last thing he asked me that day, and then the FIRST thing he asked me the next day when I saw him. How did you get up so fast, he asked. Pain's mental, I told him. Unless something's really not working, pain, fear....they're all mental. So he insisted that I play and that he had to guard me. I posted up on him my first play and he flopped like I'd bashed him in the balls. Don't act like your dick is so big I couldn't miss it, I said to him, helping him up. His eyes go wide, that little faker. Who says something like that????, he yells. But no one's heard it but him. In my heart I am snickering.

Next play he gets the ball but he's afraid to shoot. He waves it above his head so I just knock it out of his hands, not being afraid to crash into his body a little. Who does that??? he screams. I kind of want to laugh at how easy he's being, but I just say, very seriously, You should think about playing a little defense. Pass the ball upcourt. Take off.

We score and we come back and he can't get open. His guy shoots, misses, rebound collected in a battle of big vs big. I set up left wing. My poor little guy doesn't know that my driveway allowed me only a single angle of left wing jump shots to help me waste away my childhood. Meaning-- I can be deadly there if I'm feeling evil enough. And man was I feeling evil. I hit one over him. Next time down. I stopped and popped at the 3 point line, shooting over him as he jumped for the block. Went in sweet like Kobe. There's a collective, Whoa. His teammate runs by him. She's making you look real bad, he says, not altogether joking. Well, at least he's honest, I tell him as I shrug innocently and jog downcourt. Secretly, I know I'm really not usually this good. I'm playing particularly inspired today. But I realize the universe has somehow given me free reign against this guy.

Our team won both games against his. At some point, every time I went near him in the post, he resorted to announcing that if we were in 3rd grade, he would think I liked him. As adults, I think you're projecting, I told him. After the game, I left abruptly to do cardio and watch my Desperate Housewives DVD. While on the elliptical machine, I noticed something. Somehow, the evil imp in me was so inspired by messing with him, the energy must have made me more noticeable. I'm usually for the most part ignored by the guys. It probably goes both ways, because I usually completely ignore them. But while on the machine, every guy who had been on my team came over to chat with me and find out what I was watching. One guy even had to circle twice before having the nerve to introduce himself. It was funny because it's like we'd been to battle together, yet after the fact, we were so shy and awkward with each other. Interesting.

Meanwhile, my shadow has followed me into the cardio room. Little does he know, I "listen" to my DVDs more than I watch because I'm usually watching people. Especially people who are so obviously watching me. So this is what I saw him do.

1. He left the basketball courts, looked around, then proceeded to the weight room. Saw me, walked by in front of me into the locker room.

2. Comes out of the locker room, stands close to me, fiddles with his phone, goes back into the locker room.

3. Comes out of the locker room, has his jacket on and walks by. I pretended I didn't notice.

4. He walks by again. I smile and he comes up and asks me how I can still be going. I say, Because I'm a robot. That's why Asians are so smart. (This making up shit on the fly to see if people will accept what I say if I'm very serious about it. It's out of control). He's caught off guard so he says, I know a lot of Asians who aren't smart. Well I'm not one of them, I say. He laughs while backpedaling into the locker room. There are definitely Asians who aren't smart he says. I've even dated a few of them. I roll my eyes and ignore him. Wait, didn't he just come OUT of the locker room?

5. He walks by again, not wearing his jacket. He fiddles with his phone, then watches the TV close to me. He catches my eye, then comes up and asks, What are you watching? Desperative Housewives, I say. Now I've seen everything, he exclaims, but I have no idea what he means by that. Why do you watch it?, he asked. What is he, a Pisces? Maybe I finally get to kick a Pisces' ass. Because it's funny, and people kill each other on the show but it's supposed to be funny. Like Stepford Wives. He looks at me blankly. Abruptly walks away. INTO the locker room. Someone tell me, what is IN the locker room that forces this man to continually go there to recharge?

6. I switch to a bike after 50 minutes on the elliptical. I see him walking back and forth in the machine row in front of me, and then he fiddles with his phone right next to me for a while. I ignore him the entire time though I'm kind of giggling inside as I watch him. Then he goes to the weight area right in front of me, and lifts up his shirt to check his abs (full-flexed), checking to see if I saw. Of course I was at that moment, strategically drinking from my water bottle so from his angle, he couldn't tell where my eyes were. He walked around aimlessly, said hi to the guy next to me, then got on the elliptical machine behind me. So I stayed on the bike for as long as possible to test his stamina, then beelined from the locker room to the parking lot to make a clean get away. Didn't want him trying to catch up with me.

*****
I went to the gym today with a lot on my mind. I had forgotten all about this. I decided I was going to play fullcourt, which I'm doing a lot more lately. Before, I would be afraid of getting hurt but I figured I wouldn't play too hard. Just for the opportunity to run and feel agile. I was standing at entrance of the court, when someone walked up and said hi to me.

It was this short, quiet guy who I always thought was kind of a dick. I don't really know him but he just doesn't smile. And he's never said a word to me even though I've said hi. Guys like these...I just assume they hate me, just so there's no wondering. So yeah I know, a lot of it is just in my head.

So I say hi, and he says, I can't really play today because I don't have the right shoes on. He's got really nice running shoes on. What does that say about me that I get turned on by athletic gear? I say, I'm not wearing the right shoes either, even though in my mind I know I have the same shoe style I play basketball in but these I only wear if I'm only doing cardio because I like how they're so clean. Is this what it feels like to be a Virgo in love?

You're very good, I say. I like watching you play. He mumbles something. We stand there and I forget he's there. I'm wondering if the guy on the other side of the court that I'm going to be teammates with is a dick. Yeah, he kind of looks like he's gonna be. Suddenly, the quiet guy touches my arm and I look over. See you later, he says, smiling. I was tweaked for a moment. That guy smiled. I've never seen him smile. And I've made some warm, quirky attempts.

I decide I have at least 10 more minutes so I go outside to see if I can get a cardio machine to warm up. I see he's waiting for a machine, stretching. Part of me felt like it was okay to go talk to him. Part of me is SCARED OF HIM. So I kind of get caught in a jamble of limbs and misdirection. I don't know if he saw me make that abrupt u-turn away from him, but I retreat back into the basketball court to wait my turn.

I played but not very hard because I really didn't want to get hurt. My foot was bothering me but I did score one basket and annoy the hell out of my defender with a game of cat & mouse (cuz let's be serious, those afternoon ballers don't pass to me). There were times when he would be at the top of the key looking around, and I'd be hiding in a corner, feet set for an easy basket should my teammates realize I'm on their team. It was definitely fun and I didn't care about getting touches. I also got to know this sweet kid who had a tattoo of the Ace of Wands. I ask him, what are you, a Leo or Aries? He said, my mom gave me the symbol of the Ace of Wands because I used to get in a lot of trouble. Ace of Wands means having a lot of inner fire, but using it creatively, I say. Yeah!, he smiles. We share a nice little moment. I'm the Princess of Swords, I say. We shake hands. For the rest of the games, we have great chemistry.

Somewhere into the second game, my Shadow walks in. I see him and nod hello. The strange thing is he's with his doofus friend and the little, quiet guy from earlier. I didn't realize they knew each other. They formed a little cheering section for me, yelling, Give it to the girl! and him commenting to everyone, Did you see that?...every time I got myself open. After the last game, I was kind of pissed off at my teammates for not moving the ball better and for spending so much time arguing (one more fight broke out). I was shooting by myself and the three guys come up. And they're all hitting on me. What did this guy need, reinforcements? They're joking that I should stick to my outside shot and that I'm too young to drive. The guy wants me to guard him and I do it half-heartedly. The quiet guy, who's strangely jovial, pretends he's going to walk off with my ball. wtf? Circle jerk. So when the full court game started, I had to rebound the ball to get it back and walked out. They all followed me out, and I stopped because it looked like they wanted to talk to me, but then decided to do it after I got my stuff from the locker room. I actually wanted to talk to the little guy to feel out his vibe. He had caught me off guard today, and I want to know why. But when I came out, he was gone but my Shadow and his buddy were there. His friend said something to me that I didn't even bother translating to my brain. He's kind of a snarky idiot. As I was choosing a bike, this black guy walked up. Strangely, he looked just like this guy I dreamed about 3 nights ago but just not as intelligent (in my dream, he was in a park around Stanford and he was radiant. But of course, this was probably because I have such a Stanford fetish). He wanted to introduce himself and get to know me. My Shadow walks by and then loudly came over and shook the guy's hand saying, what's up. I didn't even look at him. I talked to the new guy for a bit. We were talking about attention span and he wanted to know if I'd gone to school and finished. So I said yeah, two degrees in three years. I rushed to finish before I got bored. He asked me if I was taking drugs to be able to do that. I said no, and then politely excused myself. I rode the bike and as usual, my Shadow appeared, standing 3 feet away from me and diddling with his phone and pretending to watch TV. Of course, I pretended not to notice.

He retreated to the elliptical behind me. I slipped out like I did the night before, careful to make sure I wasn't being followed.

Came home. Confused. Tired. Lonely. The imp has abandoned me. Body looks great. Insides feel robotic. Tired of games. Why don't most guys talk to me like a normal person? Help me put my defenses down. Come up and be straight with me and be yourself. Just be nice and open without all the sarcasm, because then we're just going to spar. It's like sometimes people seem so into trying to compete with me or dominate me or impress me by being something else, that I'm terrified of showing them the shy, sensitive side of myself because I'm afraid they'll eat it. And that's the best side. I feel like if they found out that I was shy, they would see it as a weakness. So then is it better that most people don't believe it anyway? But when I meet someone real who's willing to talk like human beings and it's not all that bullshit, I really appreciate it, even if it's platonic.

I'm really just looking for someone trustworthy who I can relax and be myself around. At the end of the day, just that.