got to be careful. i've got the the new moon eclipsing the sun right around my 12th house venus which means karmic ghosts coming to light. the moon wins, meaning emotions tied to the past will be stirred up. my mood dropped off a cliff this morning after a restless night where i kept waking up in fear as i had no idea where i was nor who i am. i have to reset.

the snake will continue eating its own tail until it consumes itself if it does not regenerate.

you may think you're moving in circles if you find yourself back in a similar spot, but just remember that if you have moved in a circle, you are not the same person returning to this spot as you were when you previously left. the key is in what is changed or accumulated. it may be a test. it may be an opportunity. it may be a sign post.

more than anything, i really, really need a friend who can help understand my process and the information i'm gathering. i've been going to places and seeing and feeling things that i know with the greatest of certainty to be true, but i'm finding it hard to interpret everything alone without a reflection.

i'm losing myself now. it's probably a very good time to be getting away, though going back to fremont is not the best place.

i just wish people would trust me more, even when they believe there's room to sway me. i can be indecisive and my open-mindedness can be taken advantage of, but my first instincts are usually truthful and it would probably benefit not just me, but the people around me, if they didn't work so hard to talk me out of them. almost everything i say is the truth, as accurately and comprehensively as i can pinpoint at a present time. just how much i show depends on how much a given audience is willing to take in, or capable of taking in. i don't want to mince words anymore. i wish i could just say things exactly as they appear. i'm tired of translating when i should just be communicating.

i've been thinking a lot about cassandra, who was cursed to know the future but no one would believe her. i've been thinking that if you tell people and they don't understand you or believe you, then STOP TELLING THEM ANYTHING. don't waste your energy unless it's for the people who are willing to listen. maybe the people you're supposed to be talking to are the people who already have their door half-opened and are willing to gain something, instead of looking first and foremost to deny. on the whole, i've been pretty lucky about finding open-minded people, and i have to remember to stick to that path and not get discouraged.

i have to get 10 hours of sleep today. i need to be strong for tomorrow.