So I ran into Missed Connections guy.

I was at this bar, wrapping up a crazy 3 hour conversation with this hipster who had been sitting next to me, when I decided, I had not really effectively people watched. That there was someone else I needed to talk to. So after a conversation that took us through number theory and him telling me that tonight was one of the most amazing nights of his life, that he had run into the only girl he had ever loved earlier in the evening and was feeling alone like no one understood him when I sat down next to him. And because I'm me and because of the way I speak, he felt truly understood, like someone on the outside could see him, so it meant he wasn't disappearing. He said that because I had so much faith in this search for whatever it is I'm searching for, it gave him hope that there was someone out there perfect for him, someone whom, when you're on your deathbed, you think about them and say, my life has been happy ever since the moment I met you. We started talking about my life and I told him I was looking for my Alfred, the loyal right-hand man who makes sure Batman can be Batman. He was telling me that while I wanted an Alfred, Alfred can take care of me but I will never see him as my partner. We talked for a while, but at some point I realized that I'd spent the whole night in this conversation, and something made me feel there was someone else I needed to talk to. So I told him that I'm actually supposed to meet someone tonight.

Who?, he asked.

I don't know, I said.

What do you mean you don't know?

My life is like that, I said. Once, I dropped a hat into the ocean and I watched it sink into the darkness. And I've always thought, if I ever find that hat again, even if I'm 80 years-old and walking on the beach an entire world away, I would accept that as hard proof of God and Universe.

He started laughing. I wish I could see you the moment you find your hat, he said. I bet when you do, you will be the most beautiful person because you're going to be radiating an absolute happiness.

That thought made me so happy. I really hope I find that person that I'm missing so badly and who just always seems so familiar inside these strangers.

So as I'm getting done telling him about how when I come to this bar, I tend to meet the right people that I need to talk to at a given time, I look past him and there's Missed Connections guy.

I started laughing so hard my legs turned to jelly. I thought Missed Connections guy saw us because he was looking right at us, and then he kept looking over. I was too scared to go over because I didn't know what to say. I told the guy the story about Missed Connections guy...probably the fastest I've ever told a story.

You need to go over there, he said.

I know, I said. But I'm scared. What if he's a dick? What if he's dumb? What if this is just an illusion and just another joke from the universe?

You have to go over there, he said.

I tried to have him go over there and ask the guy to come over, but instead, he turns around and starts talking to these girls.

I got the guy's attention and waved him over. He looked confused, then pointed at his friend like he wasn't sure who I wanted. But I pointed at him. He motioned that he needed to get another beer first and would come over after, but then he and his friends (a little group of men and women) formed a huddle.

I was feeling kind of dumb like, what now, and I just had a feeling this wasn't going to turn out magical. It didn't feel right.

Finally, he came over. That guy's eyes...he had amazing, soulful eyes, but what I found out was that they're like a blind man's. He's a sound guy, he takes in through his ears, he expresses through his hands, but it's like his eyes are so deceptive...so much depth, like an ocean, but...I don't know. They don't see.

He remembers me waving at him at the restaurant, he remembers the incident and thinking that I was cute, but he didn't equate me with that girl. And apparently after I put up the missed connection, someone called him the next day at 9am asking if he'd been at that restaurant, then forwarded the missed connections post to him. He remembered being at the restaurant, but didn't remember me at the restaurant, or at the bar last month, or when I was standing close to him and trying to get him to come over, he stared right at me and didnt' react. Strange, that this man could be looking right at me, and yet I exist in some sort of blind spot. We talked for a while, the dude is pretty fucking interesting and funny, but I just had this strong feeling that someone had played a really big joke on me. I kind of wanted to get out of there because my head was twisted.

I didn't want another beer and he said he had to get back to his friend's birthday thing, so I left. Got home and laid on the floor staring at the ceiling for an hour, wondering why the universe or my brain would trick me like that. Is it mocking how easily I follow connections? To lead me to a guy who looks overwhelmingly familiar only to find a blind man who can't see me?


If this question has an answer, then perhaps we'll run into each other again, I had written in the Craigslist post.

We did and there was no answer. When I asked him, who are you? He said, "I'm just a guy who hangs around Venice." When I asked, "Do we know each other?" He said, "You've probably just seen me around because I'm always out and about."

Paper lantern.

Today I followed the trail to God and found a paper lantern.

I followed the light to something beautiful but empty inside. There was no connection. So then, why had it led me to something false?