I'm home sick again in that, I'm not as sick as I was when I actually went to work yesterday, but I'm using my sickness as an excuse to work from home. I have a press release to write and a 91 page user manual to read but instead, I'm dicking around just reveling in the fact that I'm at home while others are not. It's that same feeling when you're a kid and you've managed to convince your parents that you're too sick to go to school even though you're not, but then you can't really go anywhere cuz you're a kid, so you just sit at home and spend the entire day taking pleasure in the fact that you got away with it. I wish I were well enough to go to the gym. I bet the basketball courts are completely empty right now.

I've been watching the 1st season of Six Feet Under. I've been avoiding it because it's the exact type of show that can fuck me up--dealing with death and how messed up and unfair life is. I hate those commercial parodies in the pilot, but otherwise, the show is great. I keep feeling like I'm on the verge of crying though when they have those heavy scenes dealing with grief and loss, but I won't let myself cry. I don't want this show to fuck me up. The thing that surprised me though, was how darkly funny the dialogue can be.

The thing that's interesting so far is the theme of how people just want something that belongs only to them, be it a literal space or thing, or a figurative space or thing. And then people want to make sure that somewhere, someone really knows exactly who they are; someone can really see them. I think optimally, people want space to be, while also feel that someone understands them and appreciates them without claiming power over them. I feel like I would let people get closer to me if I didn't feel that people would then want something from me, even if by mere subconscious manipulation of me to suit their expectations. It's an ideal situation, a perfect balance where everything just adds up and things feel right from the inside and the outside. I think it's quite obtainable. Maintainable...not really. But if you find a person who can understand who you really are, appreciates all those contradictory things, but lets you have your space so you can resurface every once in a while to show how you evolved, that's pretty cool.

I've taken so much DayQuil and NyQuil the last few days, I think it now constitutes a diet.