So this is how it went down.

I'm in the kitchen, vehemously scrubbing the dishes with soap and a sponge like an obsessive-compulsive, opting not to use the dishwasher because I was awashed by my hardworking-Asian-in-the-fields ancestor roots and wanted to work with my hands. There's a joy and naturalness to doing something that takes great manual effort. I was also very high.

Lauren is listening to her phone messages when she turns around and says, "Some brother...just left me a message saying, 'So this is how it's gonna go down bitch. You haven't called me back.' I think it's this guy I met a long, long time ago."

So she's a little bit rattled and I'm telling her that guy sounds insane, especially if he's been harboring anger at you for not calling him for this long of a time. Because it means he sat there and stewed about it obsessively. And I'm starting to freak out for her.

She wants me to listen to the message. I'm thinking I'm about to listen to a message from someone unstable enough to be a bona fide psychopath; she puts the phone to my ear and indeed, I hear a man say, "So this is how this is gonna go down bitch. You haven't called me back." Then pathetically, "So call me...bye..."

I started cracking up and said, "Lauren, that was a gay man. That brother's gay."

"So this is how this is gonna go down bitch"?

Honestly, he sounded like some girl trying to start a catfight.

So now Lauren's a little embarrassed because we're about to make fun of her because some guy who's OBVIOUSLY gay but in complete self-denial was pissed at her for not calling him.

I say we need Brian's opinion for verification. He'll know if the guy's gay.

Brian listens to the message and then starts cracking up, throwing the phone back to her. "That's Colin."

Remember Colin and his raging boots from a few posts ago? Dude, he's most definitely some beautiful-black-but-psychotic stalker. I was totally freaking out that Lauren was being stalked by a maniac.