Six Feet Under Thoughts

I finished Season 2 of Six Feet Under this weekend. It's a really great show as far as the acting. The actors really make the characters incredibly rich and dimensional. I kind of find the woman who plays Brenda to be incredibly unattractive, but her character is interesting. The way she formulates her responses to things, linguistically, is really self-centered and narcissistic. You can see how she says things to illicit pity or sympathy to control the conversation, rather than being vulnerable to hear what may be said that might hurt her. I don't know if she's just perfectly cast for the role (she plays a quintessential unresolved gemini and when I went to check the actress's birthday, lo and behold, she's a gemini. So maybe she's playing what she instinctively knows), or she's an incredible actress who has the psychological consistency of the character down pat. I actually lean towards the former. [sidebar: Peter Krause is a very natural, incredible actor, by the way. I was really blown away by some of his work on this show. I don't know how much character range he has, but he's an emotionally riveting performer. These two do have really good chemistry, probably bring out the best in each other]

This was my favorite scene of the entire series that I've seen thus far. Brenda and Nate have broken up because Nate found out that Brenda was sleeping around all over the place while they were engaged. Nate had also admitted that he slept with an ex-girlfriend and got her pregnant during their relationship. Nate's having brain surgery the next day, so he's going around, putting affairs in order with the people in his life.

Scene Four: Brenda's Apartment, nighttime
NATE sits on BRENDA’s couch. She sits across from him on a chair.

Nate: Okay, so I just wanted to tell you that I think a lot of what you had to say—
Brenda: I’m so sorry.
Nate: Just let me finish. A lot of what you said was true.
Brenda: I didn’t have the right to say anything to you. I’m the one that’s fucked up. I am so fucked up.
Nate: (smiles) Okay. Maybe. Um..But…you were right when you said that being with you made it easier for me to feel so together. That I was ready for something real and you weren’t, and that is just not really true.
Brenda: Nate, I have a serious problem. I think I’m—oh, God, I so don’t want to say this. (pauses, hands him a book) Here.

He looks at it. The cover reads, “Hunger for Love: Facing Sexual Addiction” by Peter Veverka, Ph.D.

Brenda: I’ve been going to these meetings.
Nate: (smiles) I went to one of these meetings once up in Seattle. It freaked me out.
Brenda: Why?
Nate: Just the people. It seemed like a cult.
Brenda: No. W-what made you go?
Nate: (exhales) I thought it might apply.
Brenda: Well, it says in the book that, once you realize what it is, and you work really hard, you can—people have this whole new experience of love. (timidly) Some people, I mean.
Nate: So…what?

Long pause.

Brenda: I really love you. And I don’t think I would have done what I did if I didn’t really love you.
Nate: That’s a very…strange thing to say.
Brenda: But I think it’s true. It was the fear of…feeling something real.
Nate: Okay. (nods, takes this in) I love you, too.

Tears fill her eyes. He smiles.

Nate: I guess I just wanted you to know that even though you really pissed me off.

She gives a small smile and looks down.

Nate: I mean, I still get so angry if I let myself think about it—
Brenda: Of course you do. Of course—
Nate: But I felt like this was something. Being with you made me feel more…just feel more, I guess. More than I used to feel. More than I felt with anyone. I mean, everything I was running away from, I don’t even know what it is. Fear, I guess. I felt all of that with you.
Brenda: I’m good at making people feel fear.
Nate: But I can’t—
Brenda: Nate, I’m not saying now—
Nate: I can’t even think about the future.
Brenda: I’m just saying maybe.
Nate: I’m having surgery tomorrow.

She looks stunned.

Nate: (lies) It’s uh—uh— an embolization. Totally routine.
Brenda: Can I be with you?
Nate: No.

She pauses, hurt.

Nate: My mom’s coming with me, and it’s really nothing. I mean, I’m gonna be fine.
Brenda: (almost collapsing into tears) Oh, Nate.

She reaches over to hug him, but he backs away.

Nate: Look, I’m sorry. I gotta go.
Brenda: Nate! Nate, please!

He quickly leaves, perhaps before he breaks into tears himself. She is left alone on the chair, feeling horrible.

*****
It was this part of the conversation:

Nate: I mean, I still get so angry if I let myself think about it—
Brenda: Of course you do. Of course—
Nate: But I felt like this was something. Being with you made me feel more…just feel more, I guess. More than I used to feel. More than I felt with anyone. I mean, everything I was running away from, I don’t even know what it is. Fear, I guess. I felt all of that with you.
Brenda: I’m good at making people feel fear.

GAH!

...they were so close it drove me crazy. From a director's standpoint, picking apart the scene and what was happening for each character--Here's Nate pretty much saying that he's not so put together and realizing that he was scared. Because in a way, this relationship broke through his defenses and made him face himself and his fear of intimacy and living and he's suddenly realizing the magnitude of that on top of the fact that he could very well die tomorrow. He's saying he still gets angry (his defense) but being with her got him in touch with something real inside of him, something he wants. What Nate wants in this scene is that lifeline, to confront his inner fear, to understand that the things he fears don't END him, don't destroy him. Brenda has the chance to come to the table, and by having the courage to face her own fear, break through that barrier that has held them both back, and help them realize that being absolutely vulnerable and having zero control will not destroy them. If she weren't so defensive, she'd be able to hear what he's saying, that something about their connection is BIG, and that he's scared, that they're actually both in the same boat, because they're both human beings and we have absolutely no control over life. All she has to do is take the risk, give up control and say she was terrified. It's not even what she says per se, but more so that giving up of control and being absolutely vulnerable which the other person within this type of connection will automatically sense, and they would have found themselves in the same place, of absolute and pure emotional connection.

She was doing so well, courageously plugging forward, telling him that she wouldn't have cheated if she didn't really love him, accepting his less than understanding response and continuing with admitting her fear of feeling something real. And then he meets her by taking a step forward as well by admitting his own fear. AND THEN SHE FUMBLES THE BALL!

For some reason, within what he just said, she only hears what she had anticipated--rejection--and says, "I’m good at making people feel fear," which is a statement that not only shows that she's not being vulnerable, but that she's trying to get him to come over to her side and show that he loves her/cares about her by giving her sympathy/pity, taking care of her emotional needs because she's this wretched being that makes people feel fear. She suddenly reverts back to her comfort zone, the game playing where she wants him to negate her statement by saying something positive to prove himself. It's manipulative, whether she's conscious of it or not. It shows that she's not in a place to be vulnerable, to give up control. Therefore, Nate, does not feel safe enough to be vulnerable and admit exactly what is consuming him, this incredible fear. Instead, rather than having his needs addressed and having Brenda take care of him during his most needy hour, he's taking care of her, by protecting her from the knowledge of what exactly he's up against.

I think Nate realized he wasn't going to get what he needed from Brenda. She's not in that place in her evolution. Because if he had told her the truth about his surgery, he knew he would have had to take care of her feelings about losing him, etc. because Brenda makes everything about her. That's where her evolution is. And he just doesn't have the mental energy and strength to deal with her right now. Furthermore, after she says that line about being good at making people feel fear, Peter Krause stops and then the scene suddenly takes a completely different turn. The implication of the transcriber was that Nate left to cry, but I think his being extremely upset was not so much about not wanting to open up his heart and hurt both of them with expectations when he may very well die tomorrow, but from his painful disappointment in Brenda's inability to help him with his needs. If she reached out for him, it was because she needed him, not the other way around.

This scene was actually really, really sad. Brilliantly written and masterfully played...impeccable scene. If I were teaching an acting class, I'd use this scene for analysis. What each character thinks he or she wants, what each character actually wants. And how those all interact. Within the richness of conflict and contradiction, lies complex and nameless truth.