The Only Thing More Pathetic Than Dating Down

Boys date up, Girls date down. There are studies. It's been proven. Boys tend to overestimate their looks and worth, therefore going after girls who should be out of their league, while girls tend to underestimate their appeal and settle for boys who shouldn't even be given the time of day. This works out swimmingly for the boys either way (cute boys get hot girls, ugly boys get the decent-looking-but-with-a-heart-of-gold girls). But what about the ugly girls? As Jewel says, "Who will save [their souls]?" Because right now, they're all sitting at home alone, watching Buffy reruns and...listening to Jewel. Lord help them! Make them at least one step cooler by sitting at home alone, making fun of people on the internet.

Anyway, I digress.

Girls date down. It's a fact. We've all done it. Some of us obsessive-compulsively. And if there's a 12 step support group out there that deals with it, please tell me ASAP. A friend of mine would like to know.

But what's worse than dating down you say? What's worse than a girl who's attractive and nice, dating some guy who makes the liquid in her friends' eye sockets curdle? Well, my friend, the next stop on your self-esteem's journey to blowing its brains out is the phenomenon known as: Crushing Down.

Okay, you dated him. "That Guy." He looks like a troll. He's 5 feet tall. He high fives you after sex and refers to himself in the 3rd person. He dumped you because you wouldn't let him spank you. But he's got...nice...skin. And nice skin is quite a hard trait to find these days.

But while that's bad enough, what about when you don't even have enough self-esteem to lust after a top tier icon, when the very rule of Fantasy is that you can have whoever and whatever you want?


*****************Does This Sound Like You? *****************

While other's think about George Clooney, you think about Boy George.
While other's think about Matt Damon, you think about Pat Sajak.
While other's think about Brad Pitt, you think about Jared from Subway.
While other's think about Jude Law, you think about a ham sandwich.
While other's think about Ben Affleck, you think about..........................

Trick example! No one should be thinking about Ben Affleck!

But you get my point. Ladies! It's bad enough that we date down. But when we don't feel worthy enough to even fantasize about having hot monkey love with an A-lister...you really need to be slapped around. When you find yourself lusting after that guy from King of Queens because he has pretty eyelashes, you are in the RED ZONE, lady, and eligible for a damn wicked intervention! When you admire James Gandolfini because he can be surprisingly tender, you need to be CUT OFF and force fed gay porn mags until you can recognize and appreciate a perfectly liposuctioned six pack.

I'm just saying, if we can't get any decent guys in real life because they're off chasing some pipe dream that some supermodel is going to give them the time of day, at least let's crush on someone who meets unrealistic standards, okay?

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