i've got my lights dimmed. i've got my candles lit. i've got air's late night tales playing in my right ear. i don't know why it's like that. why music always feels so good when it comes through the right. i can feel it more.

in these quiet moments when i'm alone, when i can spend time relaxing with myself, it's such a state of ultimate peace. i can feel everything, every single waft of emotion that floats through me, the colors of them, the spectrums, the textures. i have an extensive emotional range and really enjoy that.

my friend michelle said something brilliant to me the other day. if you think of people's emotional range as a box of crayons...some people have 3, some have 16, some have a huge boxful. even if you have a huge boxful of crayons, you have to understand that some people only have 3 crayons, and that's all they have to color with.

so is it worthwhile to spend the time trying to teach someone with 3 crayons all the infinite colors there are in the emotional spectrum? it's like teaching a blind person the meanings of sight. you have to keep searching for signifiers, common perceptions of ideas, so that you can have a relative point to explain a perception in a way that someone who has no understanding can begin to understand.

in secret, i have been teaching my autistic brother how he can express and feel love, to not be afraid. if you have seen him and how far he's come in life, you can see him changing and growing. they think that people with autism can't grasp abstract ideas. but my brother understands love. he tells me the pain of loss is when he is crying in his heart. "because men don't cry on the outside." my brother suffers so greatly from fear of loss that he is constantly looking for clues that he is loved. when you feel him being emotionally needy, you have to give him love. you have to tell him how handsome is, and how interesting he is but more than anything you can hug him and tell him you love him. all that matters is that it is truthful down to the very last bit of your soul, because he can smell any hint of insincerity or distraction, which he'll feel as another betrayal. you have to feel an actual transference of energy. but the glow on his face when he feels these things and knows you're sincere, it is utter gratitude so corporeal, it becomes an entity, a force. if you can truly see how an act of pure kindness can brighten a soul energy, you have to let yourself experience this. you will believe in god. that by nurturing something pure and giving it unadulterated love from the deepest reaches of your soul, when it's accepted by another person, you'll have such a feeling of immense peace, you'll get a glimpse of what the Truth is, behind all this illusion that is our lives. you'll see that's all it is, what's in the darkness behind the scenes, this stage of ours, this drama. it's what connects us all, our ultimate connection to each other ,this utter acceptance of who we each are at the core. That peacefulness, that integrity, that wholeness, is what love is...when you let yourself embrace it and become it. it's everything...the thing that is the truth of everyone and everything.

somewhere on the battlefield are the wounded, those who have been cut off from love or have forgotten what it is due to trauma, or have been putting all their energy into holding a black hole of all their anger, rage, sadness and hate so close to their heart, that they fear that opening themselves up to receive will release this negative force into existence. so they won't be able to accept the very element that would heal them and let them move forward.

then if you ask me if i believe in evil, there absolutely is. they aren't a part of us, the thing that connects us. they're souls who have gone rogue and rejected anything that stands for what they can't have and they are destructive, because they have embraced this embodiment. you really have to be careful out there because there are a lot of those types floating around, so you have to be careful of letting them see that you have higher knowledge of truth and love. they've dedicated their life purpose to destroying all that is pure.