brian walks into my office.

'you know what else is your problem,' he says as he rubs lotion on his hands.

'what?' i swivel my chair around to look at him.

'the guys who come after you...it's like they turn into chicks. because normally it's the girls who obsess and put up couples pictures on their messenger, but these guys are saying i love you in the first five minutes and worrying about marriage like they're women. I don't know what's with these dudes.'

he finishes rubbing his lotion, turns and leaves.

i think about it. it's true.

my magnetic power turns men into lesbians.