now listening to: royksopp - melody am

okay, back to work. i've been slacking off, getting too into the physical side of life.

i need a job that exposes me to the maximum number of people, but allows me the choice in who i interact with.

one thing i liked in amsterdam was these food carts that sold hot dogs or fish sandwiches. they would set up in these major tourist crosswalks and be able to see everyone walking by. i loved that. if i could have their vantage point and cover, i would be able to grab all the interesting people and get into their minds.

but then there's this thing called pride.

how the fuck do i explain to my friends and family that i ran off to amsterdam to go work in a fish sandwich cart.

but i am realizing how happy something like that might make me. to find that there are people in this position, who can hang out and see people who are coming and going, be able to grab and have connections with the interesting ones. i think this would benefit me.

i've got to stop my nonsense issue about money. it's irrational and i'm going to waste my opportunities.

i enjoyed office life only in the aspect that i could hide in my office and mindfuck these detached voices without faces calling in in a way that things out of the ordinary happened and suddenly i was making so much money for the company.

that's why i got so pissed when i left. i did something really special for them and they couldn't understand what it was.

but every single person who meets me can tell, i'm someone who really needs to work for myself.

so i'm trying to create my own reality. imagining a situation where i can see myself really being happy, so that i have a goal to work towards, a projection to be painted and brought to life.

and honestly, when people aren't giving me too much pressure, it's been a lot of fun.

so okay, the idea of being exposed to people. i need to be at a vantage point where i can safely observe people without them noticing. i want to see them in their natural form, as who they really are.

the position should also be one in which i can easily establish a friendly, warm rapport that asks nothing of each person but honesty and good faith. selling food is an easy one because food makes people happy and tends to attract a great deal of traffic.

i would want it to be something that can be quickly served so that the register area doesn't become energetically anxious.

staff members would need to be able to mingle.

guests should be encouraged to stay as long as they would like, but the customer base tends to be gracious about giving up room for incoming guests.

it is a place where people seem to really see each other, and find people they have chemistry with. it's known as a place where good things just seem to happen.

it will be shaped as an O

and i think those are just the first details.