wow. last night i made a big discovery. everything i've been talking about in terms of mirroring and life path was confirmed by a book i've already owned but never read.

it started with my analysis of that egyptian graffiti, trying to put identities to the characters involved. once i realized the hooded woman was isis (goddess of life) and the male holding the male part of the mars equation was thoth (representing mercury, gemini and writing), i realized i was reading exactly about these people right now in this random book i had decided to take with me and read in germany, about how patriarchal religious orders and writing took power away from goddesses and the goddess power within women.

the only tarot deck i can use is the thoth deck, based on aleister crowley's update of the medieval tarot, incorporating symbols and ideas from various religions as well as science, mathematics, philosophy and anthropology. i particularly find it easier to intuit meaning because it uses astrology symbols and concepts which i've worked hard over the years to create a personal language for to translate it into emotional, intellectual and spiritual colors and textures which i can then communicate. (for people who balk at the name aleister crowley, separate the messenger from the message).

so i went back to my deck, which i haven't looked at in several months. on impulse, i wanted to pull out cards with colors and textures that i felt were indicative of david, who believes he is my spiritual mirror. my other half. my polarity. i selected cards based only on artwork, not by astrological association since i know all his personal planets and didn't want to be biased (he was very easy to intuit. in fact i had corrected him on his time of birth. he told me he was born at 8am and when i checked, i told him i didn't think so. he had heavy 4th house energy so i told him i wouldn't be surprised if he was actually born at 8pm which would put his sun, venus and mars in the 4th house, so i switched his chart to that. he checked with his mother and turns out i was right).

so i pulled the Lovers:

Art:

the 6 of Wands:

and the Sun:

The 6 of Wands is the closest in color and texture to his energy. Intellectual expression of fire. This card most represents what he looks like to me. Incidentally, he does have Mercury in Sagittarius. But then, I just noticed right now the rainbow at the top of the card and it makes me think of my Valentine's Day discovery of something I want. I still will not give credence to this yet and will see how it unfolds.

The Sun was the color around him when I saw him at the train station in Berlin. While waiting, I was scared I wouldn't recognize him. But when I saw this energy radiating from within him, I immediately recognized what he was.

The other two, I chose to represent the forces between us, the colors and textures I perceive when I look at the two of us as a unit.

After having this deck for most of my 20's and reading based on intuition and my own meditation, I actually decided to read the booklet and was shocked by how prepared I was to understand certain concepts because of the journey I had been on and the book I was reading.

The Tarot represents, in symbolic form, an inheritance which is universal. It is the knowledge which man has inherited concerning the world in which he lives and the forces at work in it.

The history of comparative religions shows that, allowing for variations due to climatic and other local causes, man's conception of his relation to God, the Life-Force, or whatever term we may safely employ, has followed the same broad outlines among all peoples. The Tarot is a record of the spiritual journey of Man and the rituals by which at each stage those capable of understanding the sign-posts are admitted to initiation. It is not therefore to be supposed that a tradition common to the human race can be ascribed to any particular nation or epoch. All that can be described with assurance is the way in which the Tarot has been used at different times by different people.


I spent the last year asking people to look out for signs, and I've been following them, all these synchronicities and coincidences. And now I'm amidst studying how we were tricked into thinking that power resided not only within a select few, but in men only, not women.

So back to the matter at hand. I still don't trust him, even though he tells me that whether I'm willing to believe it now or not, one day, I'm going to find out that we're two halves and when we come together, it will be powerful because it will make the universe happy because a circle is complete. He says I am the key and he is the lock, and we can do great, positive things.

So I remember this, and while I do know we're astrological opposites (Gemini/Sagittarius) and that I rarely interact with Sags and have never dated one (it's the only sign I haven't gotten intimately involved with on any level), I do know that it's a strange sort of mirror connection that I demand to be verified. My Scorpio had once told me that we each had a key so now we just had to turn them to unleash power but I was refusing it, but I think I intuitively did so because I didn't feel he was the fit, even though he understood power. I felt like he was a wolf in sheep's clothing trying to convince me he was the other half so that I would open the door.

So I look up Art and what I never realized, is it's the second alchemical card, in which the Lovers are united in an androgyne figure, the Prince becoming white and the Princess black, the red lion white, the white eagle red and the cup is lighting the torch. There is a crucible engraved with a raven standing on a skull which holds the seething elements whose iridescent bubbles are reflected by the rainbow overhead. All these typify the destruction of two elements at the birth of a third. The inscription on the rainbow is the alchemical mandage, "Visita interiora terrae rectificando invenies occultem lapidem."

What is the first? The other cards I pulled, the Lovers.

This is an alchemical card illustrating the marriage or union of two opposites, thus we have the prince and princess holding the wand and the cup. Cain and Abel, Lilith and Eve. The swords at the back suggest the intellectual process in the uniting of two elements. The figure of the Creator blesses this deliberate synthesis. The alchemical white eagle of salt and the red eagle of sulphur, the Egg of wisdom and the winged wand of Osiris are at the bottom of the card.

"The Creator" is actually the "Hermit" which I'll get into later. But as I ponder that these two cards that I pulled are the only two cards representing alchemy in the deck and how when we first met, David wanted to tell me that he didn't believe in magic even though he'd just read a very interesting book, The Alchemist, and throughout the night, his mind kept going back to it. I was gentle about it and let him make his own discovery of his own awareness.

But as I was reading these things and taking in the cards in this new light, I suddenly notice the astrological symbols associated with each card.

The Lovers = Gemini
Art = Sagittarius

That Gemini/Sag opposition again, the one I am exploring for the first time. Opposites creating alchemy. Polarities joining together, then giving up of two individuals for the synthesis of a powerful 3rd through transcendental transformation. But very specifically, the most intellectual opposition in the cycle, the one that brings forth new realities and knowledge.

So I have to verify further. I pull out my accompanying handbook for this deck that I had bought when I got it but never read because I wanted to build my own connection with the deck.

First, the Lovers:

The Lovers remind us that in every relationship, whether it be a friend, family member or colleague, or a deep-love one, what is required is: child-like innocence, curiosity and playfulness, represented by children on the card; loyalty and commitment, represented by the couple facing each other; and the gift of spaciousness--the allowing of space for contemplation, introspection and the need for being alone, necessary for any relationship--which is represented by the Hermit, who is giving the couple a blessing. This is the only symbol, other than the Hermit symbol itself, where the Hermit appears. In the background of the card are iron gates, symbolizing the Lovers' need not to be limited, restricted, barred or restrained in their relationships, and also symbolizing a line from the I Ching, the Oriental Book of Changes, which says: But when two people are at one in their inmost hearts, they shatter even the strength of iron or bronze; and when two people understand each other in their inmost hearts, their words are sweet and strong, like the fragrance of orchids.


The Lovers symbol represents to us the different kinds of relationship lines or the different kinds of bonding that we can experience within our life, and the responsibility that is incurred with different relationship lines. Regardless of the type of relationship that we have, either with people, ideas or our creative projects, we will be faced in any of our relationship lines with the principle of duality, or principles of good and evil that are found within our nature. Another way of representing good and evil would be the light or the dark, or that which is known or unknown within us, or that which is considered positive or negative within us. The principle of duality is represented by the children at the base of the card, symbolizing the Yin and the Yang within our nature, or the dynamic and magnetic within our nature, or the light and the dark within our nature.


In the I Ching hexagram of Break-Through, we have an important statement about how to resolve the struggle of good and evil, or opposites, that might be apparent within our natures. The I Ching says: Even a single passion still lurking in the heart has power to obscure reason. Passion and reason cannot exist side by side. Therefore, fight without quarter is necessary if the good is to prevail. In a resolute struggle of the good against evil, there are, however, definite rules that must not be discarded if good is to succeed. First, resolution must be based on a union of strength and friendliness. Second, a compromise with evil is not possible: evil must under all circumstances be openly discredited. Nor must our own passions and shortcomings be glossed over. Third, the struggle must not be carried on directly by force. If evil is branded, it thinks of weapons, and if we do it the favor of fighting against it blow for blow, we lose in the end because thus we ourselves get entangled in hatred and passion. Therefore, it is important to begin at home, to be on guard in our own persons against the faults that we have branded. In this way, finding no opponent, the sharp edges of the weapons of evil become dulled. For the same reasons we should not combat our own faults directly. As long as we wrestle with them, they continue victorious. Finally, the best way to fight evil is to make energetic progress in the good.


The energetic progress of the good within our natures is represented by the four tools that are held by each of the children. In times of darkness, which is represented by the child that is the dark figure, it is important that we trust our intuition, which is represented by the club or the wand; and that we have right attitude in our beliefs and thinking, which is represented by the spear or the sword he holds. In times of positivity, it is important that we follow what has heart and meaning, which is the cup held by the child that is the white figure; and that we also through our actions and behavior, implement what has passion and heart for us, which is symbolized by the cluster of pine cones or flowers that the other child holds, representative of the disks in the Tarot deck.

Essentially, the Lovers archetype reminds us that fundamental sincerity is the only proper basis for forming relationships of any kind.

So I read all that, and it resonated within what I've been thinking and talking about lately, especially evil and the battle between good and evil.

Then Art:

This symbol represents the universal principle of integration, synthesis and synergy. In order to come into the artistry of who we are, it is important to balance the apparent paradoxes, oppositions or polarities within our nature. Every symbol on this card represents the union of opposition which creates something new.

This is the Sagittarius symbol which is represented by the arrow going up the central part of the figure. Sagittarius reminds us it is through our life visions and dreams that we fully express the artistry of who we are as well as resolve any apparent conflicts or opposition within our nature.

The light and dark of our nature needs to be incorporated before we can fully express who we are. This is represented by the light and dark arms and faces which, when combined, create the balanced and tempered Being.

When I saw that you can also find your card based on your soul number, I looked up mine, 9, and it came back to the Hermit. And suddenly, many things that have been happening since last May made sense:

The Hermit is your life-time spiritual symbol. You have a deep regard for order and harmony in your life which is represented by the Virgo aspect of this symbol. You have a deep love for quietude and time spent alone. You can be around many people and situations as long as you have a feeling of psychological, emotional and environmental space. You will withdraw and be like a Hermit under two conditions: 1) whenever you feel limited, restricted or restrained, you will leave and take the space that you need; clasutrophobic situations are unbearable to you; and 2) whenever situations become too chaotic, disharmonious, and disorganized, you will remove yourself because of the inherent love of balance, beauty and harmony that you revere and desire in your life.

People will put you in leadership positions whether you want to be there or not because of the respect and integrity that you command and model. You are unwilling to communicate or lead in any situation where you have not had direct experience of some kind.

You want to make sure that old business from the past is complete before you move forward, which is symbolized by the three-headed Cerberus. You are gifted in assisting others in making transitions either in completing and ending situations (the Cerberus) or initiating and starting new beginnings (the Orphic Egg, the snake wrapping the egg).

You are a natural way-shower and lantern-bearer to people in transitions and in helping others discover and honor the internal essence of who they are. Hermit people live and model their spirituality and are not prone to talk about spiritual issues randomly. You are deeply philosophical and value the time that you have to be alone in activities that give you comfort and nourishment.

Like quitting your job so you can hang out with your blog, wander the cities on foot for inspiration, ideas and concepts to give you a versatile vocabulary for reaching into others, and help strangers break out of spiritual/existential ruts.

The fact that all the knowledge I gathered on my trip led me right back to my most prized possession and a book that had grown dusty on my shelf makes me think that I'm on the right path. It talks about how to recognize mirrors in other people and surroundings to help you understand concepts and inner dynamics, but I won't get into it because I've already talked about a lot of this stuff. But it felt really good to see confirmed in writing, a tool that I've recently discovered and awakened.

I do believe the more positive projectors we can wake up, people who have the magnetism to affect others and their surroundings with positive energy and will, the more we will see the balance of the world reach closer towards equilibrium.