angry.

you can go ahead and think i'm an asshole or i'm abusive or i'm mean to people who are vulnerable, but until you understand what it's like inside a particular dynamic, until you see what kinds of storms repressed issues stir up when a person opens another person's inner world, you can't really judge.

sometimes people use others to create situations they don't want, acting out old patterns dictated by automatic programming from deepseated issues. sometimes those situations require someone who cares about their welfare to be the bad guy by not playing along, or by playing along with such exaggerated force that the detriment of these patterns becomes too obvious to ignore. sometimes you turn the situation back as a mirror so they can see they're better and stronger people than these negative cycles, that they don't need them...but as tough as you are with the healing process, you're always careful not to hurt them in ways that are permanent, only enough to make them understand they can't keep hurting themselves the way they do, a way for them to break free of the patterns to experience a freer, more fulfilling life. ultimately, you want them to be happy, even if you have to make them confront misery to do it.

you don't think it hurts me when people i care about are hurting? you don't think it makes me miserable? the night is darkest just before dawn. and sometimes, people just want someone trustworthy to go through it with them.

but then people on the outside still call you the bad guy when you never ever had a bad intention towards anyone who has ever asked for help.

fine. i'm a bad guy. i'm an asshole. i'm cruel to people and my intentions are wicked. you don't like it? go fuck yourself. go have fun acting out your envy because i don't pay enough attention to you. the people close to me know me and know what i'm about. everyone else who has an opinion without knowing me, have fun thinking you know the number of someone who doesn't exist.