so this guy wants me to define "great" sex

i was talking with a friend today and he asked me, completely earnestly, "what exactly makes sex great sex?"

well, i'm not naming names here, but i kind of feel like if you ask questions like that, you probably haven't had it yet. maybe you've had good sex, satisfying sex, intriguing sex, crazy sex, debauched sex, but maybe not great sex, the holy grail of sex, the kind that people try to describe but usually only manage exclamations and a vague repetition of, "you know what i mean?"

before you all protest that i'm generalizing or talking out of my ass, from a girl's perspective, we all know that girl who claims she's had an orgasm but goes into all kinds of defensive or unsure details about what it felt like and seemed like and looked like and smelled like until you reach a point where you're positive she's never had one. it's the basic rule of simplicity -- if you've had it, you'll know, no doubts about it. trust me. you're not my uber-dorky college friend matt who told me he'd "kinda had sex" this one time at drama camp. you either did or you didn't.

put simply - sex turns boys into men, girls into women. it's documented.

i look at all my cousins younger than me, and i can tell if they've never had it...and later, when they have. there's a change in them. it's like seeing a person and realizing he's molted since the last time you saw him.

then the next step - great sex. the achievement of the ultimate in intimacy. the ultimate in surrender and attainment.

it turns men into MEN, and women into something that sits just below goddess stature.

you think angelina jolie, the closest thing we've got to a celebrated goddess on earth, is finally having great sex? you bet she is. there was a time when she wasn't, and then a time when she was.

i think great sex is not something that can be summed up in a list of techniques or positions or tips, though cosmo has educated millions of girls in the art of sexual dexterity, knowledgeability and versatility to the appreciation of past and present lovers. in fact, i trace the widespread female understanding of the male g-spot back to cosmo and its tireless editorial staff. who knew the secret was in the taint!! hard hitting journalism, gals. one-half of the world's population thanks you.

i think that technical knowledge comes in handy, but if your head is present and in the middle of it, you're not really connected with the other person because you're still rattling around in your own perspective like a self-conscious actor. and that intangible connection is the root of what makes good sex great, what personal preference builds on but does not create the foundation of. i think if your brain is still present and capable of functioning, and hasn't been blown out the back of your skull into oblivion, then maybe you should try your luck with a different partner.

there. i said it.

but studies have shown that a passionate, satisfying, healthy sex life is an important core factor of strong, longlasting partnerships, which makes great sex of utmost importance when it comes to picking a partner.

so happy f---rolicking. and if you know what i'm talking about, then seriously, high five...