Back from Hiatus!

Hope you guys haven't given up on me...

So last week my infamous little brother was in town staying with me. Here are the highlights:

--we were getting ice cream with my friend Lauren when I caught him giving himself the manly scratch. He saw me looking and got embarassed and went, "Oops, I'm not supposed to do that." Then he turns to Lauren and says, "Hey Lauren..." I cut him off because I figure he's about to say something really inappropriate like, "Hey Lauren, my mom tells me that it's rude to scratch myself in public." So I say, "Michael, NO." He gets defensive and says, "Julia, I'm not going to. Hey Lauren..." I say, even more firmly, "Michael, NO." He says, "JULIA. Hey Lauren..." I say, "Michael, DON'T SAY ANYTHING INAPPROPRIATE." He yells, "I'M NOT GOING TO!" I shut up because I don't want for there to be a scene. Michael turns to Lauren and says very seriously, "Lauren, my mother has a drinking problem."

He meant that she dribbles when she drinks soda. But I love that he promised he wouldn't say anything inappropriate then tells everyone in the room that my mother has a drinking problem.

--Anna, my bitchy downstairs neighbor, calls to complain because whenever Michael stays with me, he's so heavy that apparently, her chandelier shakes when he walks. So she always has to call and complain. My brother overheard me telling Brian that she's an asshole and that next time I'm giving Brian the phone because he's meaner than me. So my brother tells me that night, all chivalrously, "Next time Anna calls and I pick up, I'm going to tell her that she's an asshole." I patiently explain to him that these are things we say to people behind their backs and not to their faces, and that it would be best to say, I appreciate your concern (sarcastically) and hang up. So he says, "The next time she calls, I'm going to say, 'Thank you for calling, I appreciate your concern, but you're an asshole." I suppress giggling at his innocence and tell him again, "You can't call her an asshole." He asks, "Can I tell her she's annoying?" I say, "I'm sure many have."

--on the shuttle to the airport for his return trip, my brother puts his arm around me and tenderly kisses me on the cheek. Then he says, loudly enough for everyone in the bus to hear, "I love you, Julia. I think last night was our best night together." How awkward.