i fucking hate this. i suspect i'm depressed but i can never tell.

and now on top of my glut of unlabeled inner happenings, i'm worrying that i'm being stalked.

i got a creepy message on friday that i dismissed, but when i went to check messages last night, i accidentally played it and a thought suddenly hit me...is that a woman screaming in pain in the background? the content of the message itself is already very creepy and strange (i could transcribe it but you really have to hear it), but then with what sounds like screaming in the background it just makes it creepier. i played the message a couple of times for brian. is this guy threatening me while raping/torturing some woman in the background? he agreed it's creepy but wouldn't say that it wasn't screaming. he thought maybe it was a tv in the background. another thought occurred to me. is he watching some violent film where some woman's getting tortured and that spawned thoughts of me? brian told me to see if my carrier can pull the message and keep it on file but unless he starts showing up, there's nothing i can do at this point. i listen to it again. he makes a reference to wendy's. maybe he's just at wendy's and he thought of me and those are kids in the background. then i realize how creepy it is that i'm listening to a creepy message and trying to decipher if his background noise is life-threatening.

hmmm.

maybe this is another sign that it's time i leave town. if the next stage involves my left brain capacities being disabled to allow right brain channeling (left-brain organizational constructs of time and dates are starting to melt), i have to make sure i can keep my physical body safe while my mind is doing its thing. i can't tell if i'm creating these experiences or attracting these experiences. but i've gotta be ready for them.