The taxi is coming to get me in less than an hour. I'm so relieved to be going home. I won't completely relax until I'm in my house, in my bed. And then outside of the handful of people I'm willing to talk to right now...blissful meditative solitude.

I want to let you know that I really could use someone to talk to right now. I feel like there's something that's in my head that's really gotten loud, but there's no one I can talk to about it. I'm not letting it affect me in that the thoughts and emotions come and go and I let it flow through me like water in a creek, while I'm the surrounding mountain that remains steadfast and peaceful, but I wonder if I would gain more clarity if I had someone outside of myself to bounce this off of so it's not completely self-contained.

It's a tricky subject though, and I don't feel comfortable talking about it to even my closest friends. I need someone objective, non-judgmental and with no ulterior motive. It almost makes me want to see a therapist just to talk about this specific thing, but I've always found therapists to be either not effective or having their own egos or motives speaking too loudly in a session. The last time I even tried, it was that guy who was trying to present himself as some sort of mystical guru, and then when I pulled things out of his head, he wanted me to tell him about him. I opened his head to prove that he wasn't being truthful and it wasn't fooling me, and then he turned it into a psychic session for him which just really proved he was wildly unprofessional. He didn't have the guts to bill me, because if he had, I would have been very honest about who and what he is.

Not all therapists are true healers or sages, which is sad because a lot of people put their vulnerability and trust in their hands. Certain abilities are blessings, and with power come responsibilities. You don't abuse a blessing no matter how intoxicating the temptation is.

I guess it'll work itself out. I'll either find someone I can talk to, or I'll figure it out. Or the situation will work itself out. I just keep taking the steps I need to take as they become clear, and hope for the best, but I definitely would be really grateful if you did decide to send me someone to talk to.