my cousin told me that her dad thinks i'm rude because i call my mom by her first name. she said he's always telling her that i'm a bad influence. i laughed and said, i'm probably a bad influence, but not for that reason. i told her that her dad always thought lowly of me. she said she remembers being a little kid at our house, and a fight erupting between her dad and i that resulted in me locking myself in the bathroom. yeah, i remembered that one. it was because i'd already announced i was going to michigan, and that day at a large family get together, he found out i got into berkeley. then he said loudly to the room, "oh, i just thought julia wasn't smart enough to get into any good schools. if she got into berkeley, then she's selfish for choosing to go so far away from the family." i was pretty angry. for him saying such a dickish thing, and also for him trying to humiliate me in front of the family.

i've brought up to my mom before that my uncle (her younger brother) is constantly belittling me and being rude to me, and she always tells me not to take it personally...that he just insults me because he sees me as the product of my father and it's a result of his animosity towards my dad. to not take it personally because it's not about me but my dad, as if that excuses it or makes it okay.

this whole thing...is bullshit.

but i like my cousins. we take care of each other. at least the rivalries of our parents have not affected our relationships. my cousin was sympathetic about the way her dad talks shit about me, and knows it's not reflective of who i am. she's always looked up to me, since she was a little kid. she was telling me our aunt (my mom and her dad's younger sister) is always critical of her, telling her she needs to lose weight, etc., so she hates being around our aunt. maybe it's just chinese families. maybe it's just the nature of family. you take the good with the bad. it's the price you pay for having the benefits of a clan.