shoulder dislocated twice during a basketball game yesterday. the second time, it took me over a minute to pop it back in, which was excruciatingly painful, and the crunch when it finally went in was loud enough for people around me to hear. it was gross. i went on to make the game-winning shot, then played another game. later, josh (it was his office lunchtime game i joined) told me he couldn't believe i played through it. he said he wouldn't have played through it. i told him women have a higher pain threshhold than men...we eventually have to deal with the pain of giving birth. but the truth is, it's incredibly painful when it pops out, and every second that it's out of socket is excruciating. your entire perception narrows to one sensation, and it's like all you can feel, see, hear is this screaming, searing pain as you try to will everything back into it's right place. your arm is useless, dangling by loose muscle and skin like it's no longer a part of you but rather, something foreign and defiant. but once it slips back in, numbness and relief. yesterday was particularly bad because it was the first time it completely dislocated twice in a row, and that second time was the longest it's ever been out of socket. i was actually starting to panic. but then it popped back in and, i kept playing because i didn't want to make a big deal out of it. when i was leaving, this big cuban guy told me i must be a scorpio, because i'm strong and don't quit (he's a scorpio himself). i told him i'm a gemini but often mistaken for a scorpio. he said he guaranteed one of my twins was a scorpio.

i went home but by nighttime, i felt like i'd been drugged...my body probably went into shock and shut me down, so i kept nodding off. i could barely lift my arm or turn my neck.

i can't keep doing this. long-term, i don't want to end up with limited mobility. i've gotta get the surgery.