genre: comedy
location: pawn shop
object: bulletproof vest
A Lesson Before Dying
EXT. CITY STREET - NIGHT
Police cars and SWAT vans haphazardly parked in the middle of
the street, a crowd of gawkers held back by yellow tape.
Policemen evacuate stores as SWAT members in full gear--helmets,
bulletproof vests, automatic rifles--move into
position. The center of attention appears to be MAURY’S PAWN
SHOP, a tiny glass-front affair sandwiched between an A-OK
BAIL BONDS and a LAUNDROMAT.
INT. MAURY’S PAWN SHOP - NIGHT
INSERT TITLE: ONE HOUR EARLIER
The bells above the door jingle as a haggard-looking MAN
steps through the door. Old man MAURY is behind the counter.
MAURY
Back so soon, Mr. Tolberg? How’s
your wife?
MAN
I’d like to see your guns...
INT. MANAGER’S OFFICE/QUICKIE CAR WASH - DAY
INSERT TITLE: ONE DAY EARLIER
The phone on a cluttered desk rings incessantly. A flustered
middle-aged man with his arms full of dirty rags bursts
though the door, lunging towards the phone. This is the same
guy from the pawn shop--TOM TOLBERG.
TOM
Quickie Car Wash, manager speaking.
INT. MINIVAN - DAY
The woman on the phone is CAROL, Tom’s frazzled wife. She’s
driving and talking on the phone while two 7 year-old
identical twins battle each other noisily in the backseat.
CROSSCUT between Tom and Carol.
CAROL
Your sons’ principal called to say
they’ve been suspended for putting
a “kick me” sign on a classmate.
(to kids)
Stop hitting your brother, Eric! A
stapler is not a toy!
TOM
Sounds harsh for just a prank.
CAROL
They attached the sign with a tack.
TOM
Oh.
CAROL
They’re terrorists, Tom. Devil
spawn.
(to kids)
Do you want me to turn this car
around? Because I will. I’ll turn
this car around and drop you two
right off a cliff you don’t start
behaving.
A shoe comes flying from the back, hitting her on the head.
CAROL
WHO THREW THAT SHOE?
They each point to each other.
TOM
Calm down, Carol. They just need a
lesson in respecting authority.
Kick ‘em out of the car and tell
them to walk home. Pick them up in
half an hour. That should scare
some sense into them.
CAROL
No way. That’s abusive.
TOM
It worked on me. A kid only has to
walk 6 miles home in a blizzard
once to know where the line is.
Another shoe bounces off the windshield followed by giggles.
CAROL
Fine. But anything goes wrong, I’m
holding you responsible.
EXT. RESIDENTIAL STREET - DAY
Carol is struggling to forcibly pull the boys out of the
minivan.
CAROL
This is for your own good.
Having...parents...is a privilege.
She slides the door closed, gets in the driver’s seat and
takes off, the boys running behind the car, wailing.
Half a block away hidden in the bushes, a MOTORCYCLE COP
watches, arms crossed. He’s quite unamused.
EXT. QUICKIE CAR WASH - DAY
Tom is drying off a black Mercedes as the OWNER points out
spots he’s missed. A FEMALE EMPLOYEE hurries up.
FEMALE EMPLOYEE
Tom, your wife’s on the phone.
TOM
Tell her I’ll call her back.
FEMALE EMPLOYEE
She says she’s calling from...jail.
Tom looks up as the customer eyes him, totally judging.
INT. BAIL BONDS OFFICE - NIGHT
A blubbery bondsman with a combover reviews the paperwork.
BONDSMAN
Reckless endangerment of minors.
Problem is, she pulled a new judge
who wants to make an example of
her. Bail’s set at $20,000. I’ll
get her out for 10%.
TOM
We’re barely scraping by! I don’t
have that kind of money.
BONDSMAN
As they say in my trade, be in jail
til dawn or you’ve got to pawn.
INT. MAURY’S PAWN SHOP - DAY
The bells above the door jingle and Tom enters with a
cardboard box, placing it on the counter in front of Maury.
TOM
I need $2000 or my wife’s gonna
kill me.
Maury looks him over kindly, a man who’s heard it all.
MAURY
Cup of tea?
INT. VISITING ROOM/JAIL - DAY
Tom sits at a table as Carol, wearing an orange prison
jumpsuit, is led into the room by a GUARD. Her hair is in
thuggish cornrows and she's got FISH written across her
forehead in lipstick.
CAROL
(brink of tears)
You need to get me out of here. I’m
not strong enough for this.
TOM
Bail is being processed and they
said you should be out by tonight.
CAROL
Oh thank God!
TOM
But you should probably know, I had
to pawn some things.
CAROL
What things?
TOM
Like...the good china.
CAROL
Okay.
TOM
Some jewelry. Actually, all of it.
CAROL
What else?
TOM
Um...your Coach purses, laptop,
breadmaker, and that ugly
collection of porcelain clowns you
never liked anyway.
CAROL
You mean that antique collection of
porcelain collectibles my dead
mother left me that you never
liked? Didn’t you pawn any of your
own stuff?
TOM
Sure...uh, my wedding band.
Carol looks at him like she could kill him. Instead, she
gives him a terrifyingly cold smile, pats him on the hand.
CAROL
We’ll talk about this when I get
home.
Tom is terrorized. Every married man knows what this means.
INT. MAURY’S PAWN SHOP - NIGHT
Same scene as earlier--Tom, looking haggard, walks in.
MAURY
Back so soon, Mr. Tolberg? How’s
your wife?
TOM
I’d like to see your guns...
MAURY
Oh? Anything in particular?
TOM
Doesn’t matter.
Maury takes out a small snub-nosed revolver and puts it on
the counter. Tom immediately picks it up and points it at
Maury.
MAURY
Mr. Tolberg, it’s not even loaded.
TOM
I’m really sorry about this but
please...call the police and tell
them you’re being held up. My wife
is angrier than I’ve ever seen her
and I’m too scared to go home. I’m
just hoping that maybe in 10 to 12
years, she’ll have cooled off by
then.
