a different kind of human

when my cousin edison was really young, he would see creatures that no one else in the room could see. he would point into the air and burst into tears and it used to scare the shit out of the adults. they used to whisper about this "problem" like bad things would happen to talk about it too loudly. his parents took him to a buddhist temple and had monks chant for him, and there hasn't been any incidents over the last year or so. or maybe he learned to live with them quietly when he realized how freaked out the adults were getting.

edison is incredibly smart. i've been around a lot of smart kids, but he's a different kind of smart. it's almost like he's had more life experience than just the 5 years he's spent on earth, so he has a kind of wisdom. it's almost creepy, like being around a really perceptive, tiny adult, but amazing as well. the other day, his mom was at our house watching the taiwanese version of american idol, and she kept wanting to stay a few more minutes to catch the next singer. finally, he walked up to her and said, "everything in life has an ending. you have to choose when you want that ending to be." i wasn't there, but when i heard the story, it started me thinking about something i've been pondering a lot lately.

since i was a child, i've always felt "watched."  there were moments where i could be in a room alone, and then suddenly feel a presence. or walk into an empty room and feel like there are people there who suddenly stopped talking when i walked in. when i was young, i had problems with sleepwalking because my dreams were so real that my body would go through the motions of the me in my dream because it couldn't tell the difference. i distinctly remember one time when i dreamt i was giving a tour of the white house, and when i opened the door to show the group "lincoln's bedroom," the door in real life banged against another door and i woke up in the guest room's bathroom. often i would try to go outside...to be close to the moon, i assume. but the worst times, i would be talking to someone in my dream and would slowly wake up to realize i was sitting on the couch in the living room, talking to thin air, yet feel like someone was there. waking up in these moments to a dark empty-but-not-empty room was terrifying. in high school, i would have these occurrences where i would wake up in the middle of the night with my body paralyzed, but what felt like moonlight shining onto my face while what sounded like electronic machine sounds whispering inside my head. except the blinds were closed so there couldn't be moonlight shining on me, and i was sure it was aliens talking to me in a language that i couldn't intellectually understand. i was terrified i was being programmed. this only happened maybe 5 or 6 times, but i remember the episodes vividly. i told someone at school once and they reacted with such contempt, i didn't bring it up again. but there were nights when i had to sleep with the lights on because i was scared. going away to college was really helpful because i had roommates so i rarely slept alone, or there were always people around. i think that's why i prefer living in a condo/apartment to a house. there's a safety being around other people.

one explanation is that our town used to be populated by native americans and you hear lots of indian burial ground type ghost stories. so maybe fremont's just a little more haunted. but the truth is, i've always been different. i'm always picking up on things i shouldn't logically perceive or know.

this morning, my mom was watching a chinese talk show and they were talking about other life forms. about how in world war II, there would be electro-magnetic disturbances between american and japanese fighter jets, but they each thought it was the other side's technology, but they now believe it was some other unexplainable force that had come between them. i couldn't understand everything they were saying, but one thing i caught was one guy who said that there are other life forms but they are more advanced than us so we haven't communicated with them because we don't have the means yet. and that back in the day, scientists thought we could use radio signals to communicate, when really, it will come down to psychic/mental forces, how we learn to channel our electro-magnetic fields. and that other beings don't have malevolent intentions.

my heart jumped with hope when i heard this. this reminded me of the story of columbus's boats which i'd been thinking about, how the indians couldn't recognize them. maybe the problem isn't us finding other life forms. maybe we just don't recognize them yet. you can't see what you don't recognize. i turned to my mom and said, i really think that we're so busy looking out there when there are already different kinds of humans that live amongst us. 

i'm not willing to put it all into words yet, but when they found evidence of water on the moon, it was comforting to me. intuitively, i feel we're getting closer to a widening in what is accepted as our collective reality. there are people in this world who have greater electro-magnetic fields. and i always associate electro-magnetic influence with the moon. i'm not saying that there are people here who came from the moon. but there might be an intelligence here that is descendent from it. 

edison has more wisdom and perception than is logical for a 5 year-old. he is also being groomed for a mathematical mind. i secretly believe he will be someone who will be integral in bridging the communication of a future evolution with those born of the past. of every child i've ever met, i feel a special kinship with him, that we're a different kind of human, one more sensitive to energies and energy fields, one that uses the mind to interact with reality in a different way. my whole life i've been met with hostility and jealousy when i've never had malevolent intent, yet was treated in a way that showed that some people (usually those who were fearful beings in the first place) feared me. but in recent years, people have been more open and accepting. i don't attribute that to just my own growth into who i am and what that means, but also to other people having a wider understanding of the change in the world that is about to take place. 

later today, i brought up again that the fact that both edison and i are sensitive to things that other people can't see and precocious in certain ways could mean that we're more consciously connected to something beyond us. my mom panicked and said it was past life stuff that we picked up on and that she didn't believe in other life forms. but then she paused and quietly said, "but i remember that email you sent when we were about to sell the company, and that made a difference for me." her eyes welled up with tears and she reaches over and patted my hand. "thank you for that."

a few years ago, i'd gone to sleep and woke up to find a man standing by my bed. he asked me to get up and write my mother an email because she needed me. i tried to shake it off because i was sleepy and figuring it was a dream, but he was really insistent. finally i said i would and slowly began to wake up, realizing that it had been a "dream," yet i was sitting up in bed and looking in the direction of where he'd been standing. it was like those moments as a kid of waking up from dreaming of talking to someone to find myself in the living room talking to a person who wasn't there, but whose presence i could still feel. so i got up and groggily wrote an email to my mom, totally stream of consciousness about how everything was going to be okay and that sometimes life gives you challenges so that you can find out who and what you really are as well as what's important to you, but that i loved her and was thinking about her. i hadn't talked to her in a while and had no idea why then or why i wrote exactly that, but she called me in tears the next day asking, "how did you know?" (i didn't).  to this day she thinks an angel spoke to her through me. 

sometimes, i think that we can be used as a tool for greater forces if we're willing to trust them. sometimes, i don't think we have a choice, but i notice that when i trust what's happening and do things with the cleanest of intentions, my life is more fortunate. sometimes i think that people are like cells of the body, and we just work for different systems. maybe we are those cells that create that elusive entity which is the soul. i don't know. all i know is that there is something not logical about how edison is operating beyond his human years of life experience, and why i pick up on the things i pick up.