I just realized I worked on the same floor as the Italian American Chamber of Commerce West for 4 years, shared the elevator with them, passed them in the halls and saw them in the bathroom, and I've never said more than "Hi" to any of them.

How does that happen? That you can pass the same people every day, and never connect? Never want to connect?

I spent a good deal of my life too angry and numb to care about anything. And it was all because I'm so sensitive, I care about almost everything.

And now I'm in a different place.

Very aware. Very detached.

Balanced and at peace.

Today was a powerful day. And I tried to make the best decisions in every one of my choices and interactions. I would say I was...not necessarily nice (I did laugh at a woman who was too impatient to wait in line)...but...big.

What I do with people happens on a very small but very fast level. But the effects are very rich and all-encompassing. It happens when I pay attention. I intuitively know what things to focus on, what things should be brought to the surface. But I'm not aware of it, until I review experiences in hindsight. If people ever noticed that I spent the first 25 years of my life never really looking people in the eye, it was because I didn't know what to do with it yet...what happens when eyes connect. I didn't know how to balance the things I perceived with physical reality. But now, to an extent, I do.

I have learned to be careful. I know when someone looks me in the eyes and is dishonest. It is actually very uncomfortable for me. I don't always know what the dishonesty is or why it's there--it could be massive, it could be insignificant. It could have everything to do with them and nothing to do with me. But it's there. A flicker in their image that makes me question what they're hiding. But I put in tremendous effort towards disciplining my instinctual desire to chase the roots of what's being hidden. That is how people trap me, since I have quite the taste for human mystery, what is at their deepest darkest core. But it's unproductive. I have shit to do. So lately, I've chosen people who can look me openly in the eye, and be honest to the best of their ability, while being respectful of me and the connection.

Outside of one 14 year-old queen bee hipster chick trying to seem cool (what was she thinking!!), and AD (yeah, I totally just put him in the same group as a teenage girl), no one has tried to start shit for the sake of starting shit. I've called truce on fighting with people for the sake of fighting. What I have been projecting energetically to the insecure shitstarter types, is a sleeping lion. I will be kind and courteous, but do not forget what I am. That has kept the majority of that kind of life drama out of the way.

I am very, very, very, very, very, very, very happy about being single when I get to Seattle. Very, very very. Very. Don't know why. Just am.

Saw the preview to new Aniston movie, set in...Seattle. I was damn near orgasming every time they showed an aerial shot of the Space Needle or the city. Oh my God, Oh my God, I kept saying as I rocked in my chair. I'm so happy, I said to Brian. We know, he said. He's happy for me.

There were so many good lines in 500 Days of Summer. The one that comes to mind first is:

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
Fuck you, whore.