my god, life really is a cycle. i just read what i streamed about this being like august 2007, and i thought, what was going on in august 2007? so i took a look and i realize now in hindsight, august 07 was pivotal. it was the true start of the rest of my life. i did exactly what i said i was going to do. i jumped into a well. that speech i gave was the first time i ever ripped off my mask in public and people saw my passion, intensity and depth. my power. i remember how carefully i'd chosen that date.

But these are my hopes, and I hope that even if I'm not physically around or if I seem to be a mess, that all those people that I've had deep connections with and have helped change in some way, whether friends, family or strangers, will also be there for me in spirit when I dive, and that their good will and positive energy will help me find my way home.

i've gone deep and i've gotten pretty strong. are these signs then, that it's time for me to find my way home, or that this is the last homestand and i'm about to seriously plunge?

oh boy...i sense it's the latter.