today my coach gave me a drill--running straight towards the basket, catch and bank. it's about angles, and delicacy. he said this was the hardest drill, and he guaranteed me that i would miss more than i make.

so of course, i make the first three, lose a little focus because i'm feeling the urge to gloat, and ended up 5-8. hardest drill, huh...is all i say.

well, it's hard for me, he mumbles.

he spent about half an hour sitting on a bench with me after the session, telling me theoretically, how he would treat me if we were dating. to be honest, at least he's a sweet guy. still not my dude, but he's trying to meet me on my level, and i can appreciate that.

does that old guy still bother you?, he asked.

i took out my phone and looked. i don't know, it was just a feeling. to my surprise/non-surprise (they were both intense feelings), there's an email from him. yes, i said. i've only met him twice, and have been ignoring him for a month, and he's writing to tell me i'm the only woman for him and i'll never meet anyone better than him. in fact, i get something from him every day. do i need to explain further why this guy being on my radar is worrying me? the devil often plays a desperate man. i had a sudden wish that my coach could be my big brother. it's times like these i need a big brother.

(*epiphany. i know it's childish, but this stalker is a fucking child. if the harassment persists, i bet my coach would be willing to call the guy and tell him to stay away from me. in america, where often, karma is a bitch, big black guys always trump little white guys. and i need this little white guy to stop even thinking in my direction)

jason met up and brought some friends. we haven't played in 2 years, and only once. we played 4-on-4 half court which is probably my worst game. my best is 3-on-3. i really sucked the first play, and i wanted to blame it on being tired (i've already been running hard drills for an hour and a half), but that's a crappy excuse so i sucked it up and kept going. took me a while to get into a rhythm and the guy i was guarding was fast and strong. the guy was built like a 5'6 tank with quick reflexes and great body control. but i stuck with him, even though he did score a lot on me off screens. i hit most of my mid-range shots, and we won the first game. lost the second. played a tie-breaker and jason twisted his ankle on a drive to the basket.

boy, i'll tell you something about jason. the guy graduated from ucla, is smart as hell, but he's like a rabbit who won't get out of his cage. and he's in his late 20's. but you watch this guy attack the basket, and he's like a one-man fighter-jet brigade. it's like watching a robot against humans. strong, precise, flawless. i couldn't believe this guy. i told him afterwards, how we once discussed a common perspective regarding how people play basketball says a lot about them as a person. i told him how he attacks the basket, he needs to go at life in the same way. he hasn't even started his journey yet! i'm halfway through and he hasn't even left the starting gate. so i told him he has to harness that power and do what he does on the court, the way he charges in, trusting himself that he'll know what to do when he gets there. and he usually makes the right decisions. he agreed he needed to do that.

so anyway, tiebreaker game, jason twists his ankle but keeps playing. i tell him that he needs to carry us, and he stays in it, playing his heart out. but then i'm asking for the ball when it feels like the momentum is in favor of the other team, and i ended up scoring 8 out of our 15 points, putting us well ahead. i hit some long range shots, but to be honest, they were all really hard shots. i had this guy who was like a ninja tank going after every shot, and i had to do a lot of crossovers to create any kind of space. but i started posting up on him a couple of times under the basket, and got some turnarounds in. one drive into traffic with shot blockers jumping around me. i'm going to say that was the most ridiculous one.we ended up winning. thanks for carrying the team, jason said when we shook hands.

afterwards, jason sat down next to me on the bench as i was packing up my stuff.

i can't believe what you did over there, he said.

what do you mean, i asked.

i didn't know you could play like that. i had no idea you could do that.

i laugh, and make a self-deprecating comment.

i'm just not used to seeing girls play like that. you don't play like a girl. you play like a really good basketball player.

i'm amazed. what a nice comment. right up there with that night we watched the dawn break and he called me a child of atlantis. i really am playing out of my mind, and it does surprise me. i mean, i hit 44 out of 47 free throws today in a drill.

this level of mental focus is absolutely unprecedented. and the amazing thing is, it's coming so naturally. it's just a matter of paying attention. maybe that's all it is, being really conscious by focusing your entire self into a moment. when i look into people's eyes, i'm completely focused on them, opening my inner door so i can take in as much of everything about them as i can. last month, an argentinian playboy told me i had dangerous eyes.

perhaps it's whatever you want to make it. or perhaps, it's not my eyes people find dangerous, but what they're afraid i might see.