why my references to 6 years old? because that was my peak. that was the last time i remember boys and i still being equal. i want to find that again.

tomorrow is my best friend from when i was 6 year's old's birthday. we haven't seen each other since we were about 8. i have his work address--he's a neurosurgeon in boston. i'd contemplated sending him a birthday card, but figured if i felt stronger about it, i would eventually do it. now in hindsight, seeing as it's tomorrow, i guess i didn't really want to send it.

i remember when i looked him up a few years ago. found his college email. tried it even though it was a long shot. he was ecstatic to hear from me. we traded emails and he told me that when he called his mom and said, "Guess who contacted me today?" His mom said, "Pei-hua?" And he said, "How did you know!!!" He said that his mom always thought we'd get married.

we were both going to be home in the bay area for thanksgiving. we made plans to meet up. i was supposed to call. i didn't.

that was the end of that. i don't know. i guess i didn't want to burst that bubble. we were best friends. we loved and hated each other. but when we banded together, we were superhuman. my life sucked after they separated us. but i finally got back on my feet again, as the woman i was destined to be. both of us were so headstrong, my mom always said, whatever you do, never never never marry a guy like him because you two will compete until you kill each other. there is something beautiful about the memory of a little boy i shared my last years of childhood happiness with. but perhaps i've traveled to a different place, and that world is left exactly where it should be, for it to light my night's sky.