Julia's 5 Secrets to Successful First Dates

1. Know that in this day and age, dating someone whose personal history you do not know can be risky. Therefore, when setting up the first date, demand to meet in a public place. Upon arriving, make sure that your date knows that you have a "safety friend" at home who has all of your date's information, and will notify the police if you are not back by a certain time. This will free you from worrying about your safety and will allow you to fully enjoy your date.

2. If you begin to feel overwhelmed by nervousness, take deep breaths and count to ten. You have to try hard to prevent yourself from crying. While crying shows your sensitive side which may prove attractive to your date, most likely it will turn the person off. If you do cry, you can try, after you've collected yourself, asking if you can start over. But even if your date is a polite person, he or she may not be willing to start over.

3. During the date, do not try to create an air of teasing mystery by alternating between hinting that you are a lesbian/homosexual, and touching your date's penis/vagina without permission. This makes you neither mysterious nor classy.

4. Do not piss your pants before or during the date. After is only okay if your date is not spending the night.

5. People come in all shapes and sizes; not being of ideal form does not take away from a good person. But it may take away from good sex.

streamed by Julia 8:54 PM

Friday rocks. Post work. Chillin'. Leaning back in my chair, (dude be careful. you've tipped yourself flat on your back twice already this month) listening to a freakin' awesome album...

Lovage (Music to Make Love to Your Old Lady By) ---------> You've got to get this!

and FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK dude, my old lady never had it anything like the way I gave it to her while I listened to this album.

No seriously, this album's rattles your bones with pure sex. Musical near-orgasm, making me wish I had an old lady...and then BAM...it hits you with something bizarrely funny. Fuckin' tease.

Awesome (sexy) cover of Sex (I'm A) by Berlin.