so i'm listening to good by better than ezra since my playlist has decided to choose it for me, and i start laughing as i listen to the lyrics. i don't think i've ever paid attention to them, but suddenly, in this exact moment, they make complete sense in my world.

i've always said that i only write what's true, so i have to live my story to a certain extent before i can write it. this week definitely provided me some kind of abstract answer to the place where i was stuck, though i'm starting to feel like this book won't be finished until i'm near the end of my life. so where i'd left off, i'd written this scene that i thought about for a major climactic scene. and i remember the character has found the house where she hopes will provide all the answers, this empty house belonging to this man she's been following, this man she feels inexplicably tied to in life and in her dreams who may or may not exist, a man whose face she's never even seen. And she doesn't know if he's a real person, or a ghost, a hallucination, what, and she has no idea what it means for who or what she is. if she's even real. if the world is even real. and she's sitting in the corner if this empty room, watching the light move across the floor as dusk falls, and she wonders who it is who's going to walk through that door, calling this place, this moment, this girl: home.

lyrics:

Looking around the house.
Hidden behind the window and the door.
Searching for signs of life but there's nobody home.

Well, maybe I'm just too sure.
Maybe I'm just too frightened
by the sound of it.
Pieces of note fall down, but the letter said,

Wahow, it was good living with you.
Wahow, it was good.
Wahow, it was good living with you.
Wahow, it was good.

Sitting around the house,
watching the sun trace shadows on the floor.
Searching for signs of life, but there's nobody home.

Well, maybe I'll call
or write you a letter.
Now, maybe we'll see on the Fourth of July.
But I'm not too sure, and I'm not too proud.
Well, I'm not too sure and I'm not too proud to say.

Wahow, it was good living with you.
Wahow, it was good.
Wahow, it was good living with you.
Wahow, it was good.